Radio 2 in the Park 2024

[midnight]

Welcome to uni Jono. I'm the same as you - I don't drink much and so am not popular with most people. You will however meet a few people who like the same as you so don't worry and don't just assume everyone is the same. There will be others out there thinking the same as you and wishing the same thing. Just try to be yourself and not get too down. It took me a while to meet my friends as I thought everyone just wanted to go out and get drunk and I didn't drink when I first came to uni and also was very shy. I now however have a small group of close friends who are amazing and like the same as me. Don't give up though.

[Hammer]

Join clubs and societies if you want to meet people in a non-binge drinking environment. That way you'll probably find the sort of people you want to hang around with.

[Grace]

I think it was the BBC News magazine which ran quite an interesting article about being teetotal at uni. I know that's not quite your situation but I'll see if I can dig it out.

Edit: Here we go - http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/7650601.stm.

[Jono]

I think it was the BBC News magazine which ran quite an interesting article about being teetotal at uni. I know that's not quite your situation but I'll see if I can dig it out.

Edit: Here we go - http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/7650601.stm.

Good article - I've only been in the bar once to meet someone - not really through choice.

[Lucinda]

I know exactly what you mean. I felt like that in my first term. Nottingham is terrible for binge drinking, most of the societies spend more than half their time binge drinking as well and you cannot imagine how many bars and clubs there are in this city. All I can say really is that it does get better. I met most of the people I am friends with now during first year. I didn't make any proper friends till the second term after Christmas though, when people have calmed down a bit and the novelty has started to wear off.

Give it time, don't get too down about not having friends now, people will seem to have bonded with people from their Halls but most of these bondings don't last beyond the first term. I found after the first term I found friends who I could have sober fun with, like playing frisbee and going to gigs.

[Behelzebub]

I also know how you feel, I struggled to bond with my first-year flatmates as they all liked to go out and get drunk virtually every night but I didn't. It took me a while to find people who I can have real conversations with and who don't necessarily think that the only way to have fun in life is to go out and get p*ssed... but it does happen in the end, just keep looking and you'll find them eventually. Have you joined any clubs/societies yet? That might help you find like-minded people, it certainly helped me when I started going to the Brum Filmsoc last year.

And don't necessarily think you've put yourself at a disadvantage by not living in a hall, chances are you'd meet exactly the same people anyway (the people who go out and get p*ssed all the time and seem to do virtually no work)... just give it time, and maybe consider joining a society or two.

[rainbow_brite]

I know what you mean. I got on well with my classmates at first, then by the time I dropped out it was like everyone's true colours shone through and I got sick of all the whiny, bitchy people there. I think I've become a lot more whiny and sour as a result of hanging around those kind of people.

[Guest CancerForTheCure]

I feel exactly the same. I am renting a flat and that makes me feel very alienated. I have joined a couple of societies but they are all to do with law. As I have enough work as it is I can't really join any other societies. So far the main one, Law Society, have organised two events and both of them were just an excuse to get drunk. I didn't go to either which may have been a mistake as everybody on my course seems to know everyone else now and I only have a couple of people to talk to. I don't really think I like the idea of going out every other night in order to bond with people and yet I keep receiving on average three messages a day asking whether I'm up for a night out. I don't like refusing as it just causes everyone to think I'm a 'boring lawyer' but I'm afraid most of the time I have to as I am really running out of money as well as time - I do about 8 hours of work every single day and I can't really allow myself to be hungover/tired the day after. Also, I really don't want to force myself to go out and make new friends - I have a few friends back in Plymouth with whom I have enjoyed every single night and they are the ones I would much rather be out with if anything rather than some random people I have met once or twice. It probably doesn't help that I find it rather hard to be friends with girls - most of my friends have been boys and it's very hard to start from scratch if you know what I mean.

I suppose it really helps that my boyfriend was kind enough to move to Nottingham with me, even though it means he has to pay for the flat and for food. I have had a lot of support from him and yet he is probably the one who is more disadvantaged as all his friends are in Plymouth, he doesn't go to uni here (yet) and it's unlikely he will meet a lot of people at work. All he gets from me is me being constantly moody.

I keep telling myself that at least I will do well in my January exams, considering the amount of work I do as this is my priority and 'I'm not here to make friends' (to recall Scott's Big Brother clips) but it's VERY unlikely I will get a first anyway so what the hell is the point.

[Jono]

Yeah, I'm the same. Even if I did have people to see I have barely enough cash to go out. I spend £50 a week on travel whereas those in accommodation will pay it at the end of university (those in halls anyway).

It's quite amusing. I'm at university but yet I'm sure I'm meeting more airheads than what I did at college!

[kitty]

I had a close group of flatmates in my first and second years at Uni (in Scotland we do four years), but due to family and health problems two of them had to move home, and the remaining one was suffering from depression. I would now say, after five years of uni and a year in the real world, that the people I stay in touch with from uni were friends I made towards the end of my second year and during my third year. It's never to late to get involved in clubs and societies, and also I made a lot of friends from my part-time job

[Behelzebub]

I keep telling myself that at least I will do well in my January exams, considering the amount of work I do as this is my priority and 'I'm not here to make friends' (to recall Scott's Big Brother clips) but it's VERY unlikely I will get a first anyway so what the hell is the point.

That pretty much sums up my current attitude to being here in Strasbourg, I'm trying desperately to make work my priority for the moment and tell myself that it doesn't really matter about not making any friends as I'm leaving in January anyway. Having said that, I am starting to feel the effects of my own isolation but I'm not really sure what I can do as I don't see the point in making friendships I can only keep for the next 3 months, and the language barrier makes it difficult for me to talk to people anyway. The English-speaking people I met in the registration week are all doing different classes to me so I'm effectively on my own in most of the classes without a clue what I'm doing. So I'm probably going to end up leaving here having made no friends and having failed everything.

OK, this is kind of turning into me moaning about myself so I'd better get back on topic - just keep trying, eventually you'll meet at least one person who shares your outlook on things and then you'll feel so much better. But don't expect it to happen overnight, or even in the first few months... it just takes time and effort.

[Viv]

Everyone I meet is all about drinking and 'hilarious' pranks.

It really bugs me. I just want to meet some down to earth people, have a chat and have a laugh.

I want to just have people to talk to that are interesting and that I can share lecture notes with and the like!

But no, everyone thinks they're a comedian, is all about sex, or is a bloody alcoholic. It's flipping depressing. Not living in the halls doesn't help much either...

The first year is notoriously the year for the parties, the shenanigans, the crazies, etc. People normally start to settle by the 2nd year.

Are there not any extra clubs you could join within the Uni. where people want to get a bit more serious?

Remember the end goal most of all, and the qualification you will eventually come out with.

[Lucinda]

At Nottingham, pretty much all the societies seem to be about binge-drinking primarily and whatever their topic is after that. When I was in first year the students' union disaffiliated the awfully named "Cock Soc" because it has no other purpose other than encouraging people to drink too much of the horrible cocktail produced by pouring all sorts of cheap alcoholic drinks into a bin. It still goes on but thankfully doesn't receive any university funding.

Someone recently summed it up as having "fun friends" and then "close friends" - "fun friends" being those who you go out with and drink and sit with in lectures but who you couldn't discuss serious personal matters with and who you always put on a front of being happy around, even when you feel miserable and lonely. Close friends being the few people who you can talk to honestly and who you would be able to talk to about being lonely or depressed. The trouble is, at uni, most people have lots of the former and not enough of the latter. I have barely ever discussed any kind of feelings with most of the people I call friends at uni beyond feeling stressed or tired.

The people I talk to about how I actually feel tend not to be the people I see every day but the people I know from elsewhere, a couple of people I knew at school and otherwise online friends. It just seems to be the way at uni.

[bolinbenny]

Well lets also bear in mind that it's only October - at this point everyone will be putting on their best front, ie being funny, drinking too much etc. It does calm down a bit, just takes a while. I remember that I was not comfortable with my flatmates for a good few months, I would say well into the second semester. Its a new experience for pretty much everybody there, being away from home, going to lectures so it will take people a while to get into the swing.

I guess that's a long-winded way of saying relax - it'll all sort itself out.

[Jono]

It's like how everyone is going mad for this 'Carnage thing. Ooh big woop, a pub crawl, and you buy an expensive t-shirt as a souvenir

[Emma]

It's like how everyone is going mad for this 'Carnage thing. Ooh big woop, a pub crawl, and you buy an expensive t-shirt as a souvenir

I was supposed to go to that, had I not got a stomach bug. I can't wait for the one next term :

[Jono]

Someone said that all I need to do is 'pass' this year. Is that true? I'm just worried as I'm doing alright so far in essays but I'm not pulling in top marks.

[Emma]

Someone said that all I need to do is 'pass' this year. Is that true? I'm just worried as I'm doing alright so far in essays but I'm not pulling in top marks.

Yeah. Here, we need 40% or more in each module, as nothing we do this year counts towards our degree. 40% or more in each and every module and you'll be fine.

[Behelzebub]

Yeah, first year marks don't usually count towards your degree in most unis, it's what you do in the next two years that really matters. It's been said though that what you achieve in year 1 is likely to be the mark you'll come out with at the end of your course, so it's in your interest to do the best you can even if it doesn't count, it'll prepare you for what's to come in the next 2 years.

Gah, I sound like a lecturer now, I've been at uni too long already... but yeah, don't worry too much if you're not getting the marks you want at this moment in time, it takes time to get into the flow of things and find out what's expected of you. I just scraped a pass in my very first Spanish composition in my first year and it was only last year that I started getting 2:1s/firsts.

[Jono]

Urgh, I hate group work. It's nice when you're in a good group or when you're getting an individual mark, but this is a collective mark, and I'm stuck with a New Yorker who is "travelling" for two weeks and a Chinese girl who just shrugs and says she doesn't understand.