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Unofficial Mills

Pets


ezmo

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a degus is a cross beween a squirrel and something, can't remember now. but it's basicxally a desert rat. thought we had two females but actually had a male and female, so then came along the babies... which escaped and now there is a huge family living under the pear tree.

oh cute matilda! my cats are called maisey and adia.

howdy ho happy camper

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  • 4 weeks later...

i used to work in a pet shop lol and cos of that i accuired alot of animals!!

im starting work experience @ a vets nxt week im hopeing to go on and study animal management and pet shop management in later years

at the moment ive got 4 rabbits and a guinea pig nd i used to have 100 fish bt my mate has them now cos i dnt have enough room for them in my new house

twitter.com/emgreatorex

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mr quincy,

i too have a jack-russell, obi-wan, who i adore. (she is a wee git like!) :D

i was going to call her something wine related but couldnt think of anything good..........NOBODY SAY CHARDONNAY! :evil:

Still missing mark and lard

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  • 5 weeks later...
  • 9 months later...

How to give a cat a pill

1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby.

Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently

apply pressure to cheeks whilst holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth

pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2)Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand.

Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse

(or friend) from garden.

6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear

paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with

one hand whilst forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub

cat's throat vigorously.

7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, and get another pill from foil wrap. Make note

to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and

vases from hearth and set to one side of gluing later.

8) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible

from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with a pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9) Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to

take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from

carpet with cold water and soap.

10) Retrieve cat from neighbour's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing.

Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus jab.

Throw tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12) Ring fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologise to neighbour who crashed into fence whilst swerving to avoid cat.

Take last pill from foil-wrap.

13) Tie cats front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed.

Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

14) Get spouse to drive you to A & E, sit quietly whilst doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remains from right eye.

Call furniture shop on way to order new table.

15) Arrange for RSPCA to collect cat and ring local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

How to give a dog a pill

1) Wrap it in bacon.

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