Capital Summertime Ball 2024

[Emma]

Howdooo, sailor?

Another show, another Monday, which means it's another review with me. You lucky ones.

<b>Laura</b>

This fine Monday morning, whilst we were all at school or whatever, a certain Jo Whiley was carrying a mail sack (g'mornin, as some listeners pointed out) down the corridor, when Laura said: "Hi, Jo!" Laura then proceeded to say something to Jo, which was allegedly so bad that Scott had to tell Chappers off-air. Describing it as a real "Oh my God, I can't believe you just said that!" moment, Scott said that he would have been taken off-air for saying it, and probably would never be able to work in radio again. Scott branded the comment 'sick.' Angry fans then began texting in, saying it wasn't fair that Chappers knew, and they demanded that they had the right to be told, too. Eventually, fans worked out what the comment was, but Scott still didn't tell listeners. So what was it? Oooh, the intrigue.

<b>Record of the Week</b>

Scott's Record of the Week for these seven days comes courtesy of The Mitchell Brothers (not the ones off've Eastenders), with their track "Ode To Michael Jackson". The tune is also produced by Calvin Harris.

<b>Russia's "Getting jiggy with it" day</b>

In a certain state of Russia, the population is sadly decreasing. So, to combat this problem, every Wednesday, everybody living in that area gets the day off work to "get jiggy with it". If a woman falls pregnant and ends up giving birth on June the 12th (Russia's National Day), the happy family win a prize. Last year, the lucky winners received a sports utility vehicle (how useful...). Other prizes include video cameras and fridges. Next year, the prize is a food blender!

Only one thing to say to that: "Хорошие фактические утро!*"

That's "Good actual morning!" to you and I.

*Kelly, that is my new way of saying "g'mornin'", as promised

<b>Innuendo ahoy!</b>

Linking in perfectly with the above story, England play Russia (football) on this coming Wednesday. Scott, however, being the caring fella he is, was worried that the players for Russia won't get the Wednesday off for "getting jiggy with it" day. Chappers simply replied: "Well, they'll have to pull out of the squad." Cue the canned laughter, the typical trait we so affectionately associate with Innuendo Bingo! Goooooood mornin'!

<b>Flirt Divert ("Lets roll out the freaks!)</b>

Once again, we haven't been let down by the continuous usage of this number. Calls today included:

"I got the number off the back of you van -- you prat."

He then phoned back to say: "You're still a prat -- prat." Honestly, couldn't he think of anything else to say?

Others included: "Hi Dan, just wanted to say thanks for last night, it was a lovely nihgt. Hope you remember it, hope you remember my alarm." The alarm then blared out, and Scott mistook "alarm" for "laugh" leading him to believe that she has the most amezzin' laugh ever.

Another was used on a hen-night, as pointed out by Laura: "Hi Louise, this is Owen, I saw your number on your t-shirt, I was hoping you could use me." The Welsh guy sounded scarily like Huw Edwards, but nonetheless had a lush accent.

"Err, Amanda it's *beep* here, from the nightclub. I wanted some more nookie. Wondered if you were up for it. Ring me back."

Finally, Flirt Divert had it's first Spaniard on today, top marks for anyone who could translate what he said.

<b>The List</b>

Like many couples, Laura and James each have a list with celebrities and others of whom they would like to date. However, this has now been banned from their relationship, as James thinks that it is possible that Laura may cop off with Danny from actual McFly.

<b>X Factor Guilt</b>

Come on, we've all been suffering from it, and it's always good to know that we're not alone with the symptoms; laughing, sneering, etc. Scott feels bad for laughing, especially at the graveyard singing twins off've Ireland, and Kelly of Birmingham, who compared herself to the likes of Celine Dion, and gave herself 10/10 for vocal ability. Scott (along with the rest of the nation, no doubt) laughs along, and then thinks to himself: "I feel bad for laughing...they're not quite right." After all, we're laughing at them, not with them. Bring on Saturday for more hilarious auditions!

<b>Parental Worries</b>

A listener was going on a date, when her dad became worried when the potential boyfriend showed up in his car with the explicit album version of Akon's "I Wanna Love You" blaring out of the system. This sent sirens wailing in the father's head, "What is my daughter going on a date with?" Joanne's father was worried that he wasn't making the right sort of impression.

Listeners then texted in with some tracks that you don't want your maybe future father-in-law to hear before an all-important first date:

"Horny" -- Mousse T

And, strangely, Steve off've the M1 suggested: "I'm Too Sexy" -- Right Said Fred

And that's basically it for this Monday! Don't forget the best clips are on the Podcast.

Have a fantastic week

Emma xxx

PS: I posted my crocodile picture to Scott today