Capital Summertime Ball 2024

[natalie deakin]

<b>Scott’s Flatmate the Comedian</b>

Chappers was disturbed after he saw some pictures of Fraser in drag. Scott said Fraser looked like he’s off of Sheila’s Wheels (advert). They put him in drag to see if it would raise a laugh. Last night they went to a pub in South London called The Bedford. Lenny Henry was on the show to give advice on Fraser’s comedy gig last night. Fraser was on fourth at the New Act’s Night in drag. Lenny said Fraser isn’t a good looking woman and it’s not an attractive look for him. The introduction they gave Fraser was ‘Fraser, Scott Mills’ Flatmate’ and Lenny said he had no chance. Fraser started off by telling everyone why he was in drag and Lenny thought it was a good opening line. Lenny said Fraser talked too much, there was to much waffle between the funny bits and the funny bits weren’t funny enough. The crowd weren’t really finding him funny. Lenny said because Fraser it’s scared and he’s fearless it’s a good advantage. He needs someone to go through the material with him and he needs a wicked suit. Lenny bought in his Comic Relief red suit for Fraser to wear at his next gig. Fraser has got till the end of the week to make people laugh. Scott had acquired an electric shock collar. The remote control is going to be given to member of the audience and if they don’t find Fraser funny they press the button and Fraser gets a shock. Scott put it around Laura’s arm and pressed the button and she didn’t make a fuss. Scott thought it hurt but that’s because Laura had the booster button on.

Tim rang up to say Fraser was quite funny and would pay to go and see him. He would pay £20 for an hour for Comic Relief.

<b>Scott’s House Got Broken In To</b>

Yesterday during the show Scott was a little worried/agitated because the alarm in his house was going off for about 2 and a half hours. He eventually found out someone had broken into his house, but it wasn’t a burglar. A company that provide gas and there British and Scott isn’t even with them broke in to his house and fitted a gas card meter but left no card. There are no signs that they broke in and no forced entry. Scott hasn’t paid his bill and isn’t with the company and now has a card meter. Last April Scott changed over from the British company to the company he’s with now. He rang the company he’s with and they told him he’s still with the British company. When he rang the British company to ask about the card, they told him he’d have to wait between 7-10 days. Scott was really ANGRY.

One person text in saying they came back off holiday to find a new gas meter fitted in their house.

<b>Hotel Stories</b>

Carla rang in to say about her traumatic morning. She works in a posh hotel and she cleans the rooms. Carla went into the room to fill up the mini bar and the fridge and there was a strange smell in the room. She went into the bathroom and the smell wasn’t there but when she went over to the bed and pulled back the bedspread there was a big poo. The guest that had stayed in the room had had an argument with manager about room service the night before.

Tom off of Lichfield rang in to say about a couple of years ago he worked in a hotel and the same thing happened to him. He pulled back the bed covers and there was a smear of poo there. Quite a few times there was blood all over the place.

Chappers got told a story about an international sports team. The team went to the same hotel for a number of years and always had the same rooms. One of the players took a shine to the girl that always cleaned his room every morning. He never understood why the girl always gave him a dirty look, never wanted to talk to him and kept her distance from him. Every morning when he went for breakfast, another player would go into the room with a mars bar and put a big brown mark down the middle of the bed. So when the girl went in she thought he’d left a great big skid mark. This happened every year. The team aren’t international anymore.

<b>Scott’s Opinion on the Eurovision Songs</b>

George off of Newsbeat asked Scott for his opinion.

Justin off of The Darkness – Scott thought the song had a lot of high pitched wailing, too many ideas all at once and a really unpleasant brass bit in the middle.

Brian Harvey – Scott thought the song sounded a bit like ‘I Believe I Can Fly’.

Liz McClarnon - Scott thought the song was a bit like The Commitments/Son of a Preacher Man.

Big Brovaz – Scott thought the song was bad Evanescence.

Cindy – Scott said it shouldn’t be allowed because she’s French and the song is boring Celine Dion rubbish.

Scooch – Scott loved the song and it has to win.

<b>Laura, Wind and Nuts Magazine</b>

Scott called Laura gross because she farted and he wanted to know if something died in her bum. The smell went all round the room.

Chappers new issue of Nuts magazine arrived and Lianne off of Shipwrecked had her kit off in the magazine and Scott showed Laura. Laura said the bikini was quite cheap looking and the picture wasn’t appealing. Laura thought Lianne’s boobs were fantastic on Shipwrecked. Scott flicked thought the magazine to see if anything interested Laura but nothing took her fancy.