Capital Summertime Ball 2024

[Riz]

<b>Scotts Flatmate the “comedianâ€</b>

Scott had a great night last night at the comeback gig of Fraser, Scotts flatmate the comedian. Self-proclaimed comedian by the way. It all started off when Fraser phoned the Sunday Surgery after a stint in the pub all afternoon, he phoned up for some advice on his ‘comedy’ and now he’s been offered a gig at the Comedy Store in London.

<b>Patrick Kielty Is Here</b>

He’s not here to plug Fame Academy, despite the rumours. Scott wants to see if he has any advice for said bad comedian. Patrick Kielty is praying that after being offered the gig, Fraser came to his senses and called it off since he wasn’t ready. He couldn’t be more wrong. In other news though…

<i>"Thank CHRIST you’ve been on holiday!"</i>

Patrick Kilety’s not the only one to notice Scott’s over-orange ness. He reckons Scott’s a “shade higher from Wintonâ€.

But back to Fraser, Patrick thinks he was off to a good start. He got a round of applause as he was walking on, which is more than what most people think. But remember, Fraser’s not doing it for the money or the girls, he’s just trying to heal the world y’know. Spread a bit of love. Scott thinks he’s the Ghandi of comedy. Patrick doesn’t understand why it went so bad though, he did have everything going for him to start with, he was putting on the gay voice and everything…

<i>"No, that’s his real voice…"</i>

Ooops. Scott seems pretty sure that fraser likes girls. But Patrick hits back with that being the denial stage.

After Frasers so called success, he’s been offered another gig tomorrow night. Scott wants him to do it, but with a twist. What with Lilly Savage having left the comedy scene, there’s definitely a space for drag queens. Scott now wants him to sing “heal the world†by Michael Jackson at the end of his set, if of course, he gets to the end. Don’t worry though, Scott will bring the hairdryer.

<b>Fame Academy and Tactics</b>

Of course, Patrick Kielty isn’t ‘conveniently’ on the show to judge Frasers awful gigs as a comedian. Celebrity Fame Academy starts this coming Saturday, and Radio 1’s very own Colin Murray will be taking part. But, he has to be the most competitive man that both Scott and Patrick have ever met apparently. When Patrick Kielty was chatting to him, Colin revealed his game plan…

<i>"Zoe Salmon, I need to get rid of her. That way the whole of Northern Ireland will be voting for me. Then, theres Fred MacCauley. Get rid of him, and what with us Scots and Irish sticking together like “poo on a blanketâ€, I’ll have the whole of Scotland on my side. England won’t get a look in."</i>

But will it work? Find out this Saturday on BBC 1.

<b>“Is It Like A Condom For the Lips?</b>

Interesting. That’s what Scott said when he was referring to the new cold sore plaster type things. Its like a clear sticker that you cover your cold sore with, and it disguises it. But how is that more discreet?! A listener then text the show…

<i> "I didn’t think people still got cold sores these days, I thought it was a 90’s thing"</i>

Chappers think it would be hilarious if you were kissing someone and it came off on their lip, or funnier still, in their mouth!

Listen tomorrow to find out more about how Fraser got on.