The eighth floor

[Riz]

Alriiight Treacle?

<b>Celebrity Big Brother</b>

Leo is like SO annoying. Why was “Thunder In My heart” such a hit he asks? Oh no, its not because it was a catchy tune, oh no, you‘d be wrong there. Its because we <I>all</I> love a bit of Leo…apparently. Oh yes, don’t deny it. Well, lets just let him think we do anyway. Bless his socks. And imagine Jackiey leaving! Who’d have thought it?! Well, Scott has very generously made a little montage of her ‘best bits’. *sob sob*

<b>I Love You…?</b>

As part of the “I Love You” text game, a girl text it to her boyfriend, which you’d think was pretty fortunate considering who it <I>could’ve</I> been! But no, as girls do, they like to make things complicated. This caller has been going out with her boyfriend for 3 and a half days (which according to Scotts maths, would mean she sarted going out with him 3 days past at 4am…pino grigio anyone?) Which leads us nicely onto “Have you ever been to Ikea with a partner”…oh that’s as good as being married that is. The poor Inverness folk though, they don’t have an Ikea.

<i>Texter: “Does it count if you got to B&Q?”</i>

<i>Chappers: "oh, that relationships on the rocks."</i>

<b>Scott’s gossip…. A Radio 1 DJ, Natalie Imbruglia and LOTS of sick</b>

As they discuss Martine McCutcheon being sick in Mick Hucknells dreadlocks, it reminds Scott of such a lovely story concerning a fellow DJ. Being the loyal colleague and friend of this certain DJ, he gives them 10 minutes to phone the studio and stop him telling the story, but oh no, they ruined their chance! So one night, right, Natalie Imbruglia was having this big birthday bash at a bar in London. A certain Radio 1 DJ who worked and still works there had rather a lot to drink, and some food from the dodgy finger buffet. But SHE didn’t feel that good (Scott you can’t hold your own water, blimey…we find out later btw that she also has long hair) and effectively, 10 minutes later, was sprawled over the toilet pan puking her guts up. Natalie Imbruglia being the sweetheart she is, decides it was her duty to go comfort said radio 1 DJ. So there she is, stroking her back (Oooo…) and holding her hair back while the poor woman throws her guts over the toilet…THAT’S friendship! But its getting late, people are getting tired and beginning to leave. But being the lovely people they are, they feel they should say goodbye to Natalie Imbruglia. So lets set the scene….a Radio 1 DJ (who is female, still works there and has long hair) throwing the contents of their dinner into the toilet, Natalie Imbruglia behind her stroking her back (goooood mornin!) and holding her hair back with various people popping in to say goodbye. Oh the shame.

Several minutes later, the big boss phones Scott in the studio to remind him of a few details. David Schwimmer And David Walliams were there. Oh Radio 1 DJ, you should be ashamed! Mum would be so proud.

<b>Fasted Finger First</b>

Laura’s fingers are a blur whilst she’s texting. How on earth can she text that fast AND talk to people at the same time? Well Scott, if you will ever learn anything about woman, it will be that they can all multitask. FACT. Whilst this is discussed further, the final conclusion is that there should be a text race. She should enter the Guinness Book of World records… Laura Sayers: Speed Text Champion of the World. We later find out also that Chappers can’t use predictive text, this is where I’d enter a phrase along the lines of “jeez dude, you’re like so old” but I can’t use it either. He does use text speak though…*sighs* You’re SO 90’s Chappers. So, Chappers moves the conversation along quickly onto Scott and Laura having a race to see who’s the fastest texter. Needless to say, and I think we could’ve all have guess that Laura won. Next up, Chappers v laura. Scott decides to make the message a little more difficult, along the lines of…”You’re a *******, ******** and a *******” (insert 3 of the most offensive words your innocent little mind can think of). Oooo pressures on. Chappers and Laura get texting and send. *Long pause*

<I>Scott says: “I have something to tell you…”</I>

Scott gave Chappers the number of someone else. He only gave him Dave bloomin’ Pierce’s number! Poor chappers, not only does he need to watch his back from Bradley Walsh and Spoony, now its Dave Pierce aswell!

<b>Scott’s Hot Stuff</b>

After the success off Laura’s Susan Jeffers’ self help tape, she took it upon herself to sort Scott out with his luck with the laydeez. So, as you do, she bought him the “Babe magnet” tape. Personally, I think the guy is a bit pervy, Scott however, loves it! He reckons its working a treat. 5 minutes of that every day, he’ll have every single one of the listeners magically transformed into a hunk of burning love. Genius.

And that’s just about it! Listen up tomorrow for the wonder years at 5.00pm, and floor fillers at 6.00pm. Oh! And don’t forget to download the podcast. Jono returns with a review tomorrow.