Summer on Radio 1

[Riz]

Good actual afternoon.

Chappers reports back to us about his night seeing Kylie. She was VERY good apparently. He reckoned some of her costumes were a bit ropey though. There was a whole row of woman in front of him with pink feather boas, proper hen party style. I bet he enjoyed that more.

<b>Celebrity Big Brother</b>

Scott apologises for misleading the nation….Zane is NOT in celebrity big brother, however cool it would’ve been. But is it him and his family going in on Friday? Who knows. They discuss some more of the ‘celebrities’ in celeb BB this year, starting with Carol Malone. She hates big brother and slags off everyone who walks through those doors, yet throw her some money and she’ll be there. Chappers thinks Shilpa is gorgeous…

<i>Chappers: ”She’ll be a high maintenance girlfriend”</i>

He defends her throughout the show because he likes her...a lot. Scott was watching the live streaming of Jo and H talking about their pop careers at 1.30am this morning. Between that and his ‘bath, dressing gown and desperate housewives’ type of night he had, I think we’ll both agree that he needs to get out more. Scott and Chappers agree that Donny Tourette is annoying - you know the guy, the rock and roll wannabe. <i>“Get a haircut!”</i> is what people shouted on his way in. I personally think he needs the hair dye more but whatever. According to Scott, he needs a proper wash.

<b>Kitchen Company</b>

They keep phoning the studio offering the djs a new kitchen. Should it be Scott’s next prank call?

<b>Chain Texts</b>

There’s yet another chain text doing the rounds…”I have just sent 8 angels to watch over you, you must send them to 8 people including me, and in 8 minutes you’ll get good news.” Scott’s still waiting on his good news… Scott thinks he should make up his own chain text and send it, would you be prepared to send it on? Nothing ruid obviously, it IS the BBC y’know. The one that doesn’t speak issues it as homework to Scott and Chappers, to come up with a good, clean chain text. Or ‘viral’ text as Scott calls them, but that just sounds like an illness!

<i>Scott: "Like that chain text we got yesterday - ''Poo leisurely, thump hard...''

Chappers "...HUMP hard?!"

Scott: "No Chappers, its thump hard"</i>

<b>Chappers’ gaydar sucks</b>

Breaking news people, Chappers didn’t know H from steps was gay. “Oh I thought he was just camp”. C’mon chappers! Is your gaydar like, non-existent?! He needs to brush up on those skills. So Scott decided to test him out with a new game of…er…’lets test Chappers’ gaydar’. Out of three people, he gets one correct…which lets face it, was probably by chance. Conclusion? Chappers <i>has no</i> gaydar.

<b>Unwanted Christmas presents</b>

So, we’ve already got rid of Cornish tea towels and out of date peppers. Now its Corrie from Cheltenhams turn to get rid of her present she got from her mum…the free smelly stuff her mum stole from a hotel in Hong Kong. How thoughtful. Apparently her mum thought it would be funny. Yes mum, absolutely hilarious. Nearly as bad as Scotts auntie who once gave him the tester aftershave from the shops. Corrie plans on destroying her stuff by “smashing the hell out of everything”. Shes a window dresser, so has drills at the ready.

<i>“dzzzzsssshhhh”</i> (that’s a drill btw).

<i>“Harder Helen, HARDER”</i> (that’s her friend doing the drilling, nothing else before your mind jumps to conclusion)

Everyones happy now. Except her mum I suppose.

<b>Donny Tourette...Black Lace</b>

Scott reckons he's found Donny Tourettes old band....Black Lace. Y'know, Agadoo? Don't google it kids, ask your mum or dad. Seriously, DON'T google it, there may be some distasteful things appearing before your innocent eyes.

Listen tomorrow for more retoxing at the spiffing new time of 4.55pm… <i>and</i> the Wonder Years! The wee will be flowing by the time 5.45pm comes tomorrow.

And remember guys, putting your cd’s in alphabetical order does not mean you’re gay…