Do you want to work in radio?

[Jono]

<b>Good mornin, it's actual Monday and Chris Moyles is off for two weeks – and now appearing in a book store near you. I’m now geekily awake at the new time of 6 o’clock each morning, clutching a can of red bull and a cup of tea, just for the Scott Mills fansite…</b>

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<I>Chris Moyles signs a book for a blind lady, she hasn't even realised it's out of her hands yet...</i></center>

<b>Morning Banter</b>

Chopper was in today and was feeling rather good. They were both discussing Chantelle's auto-biography which was featured in the Sunday Mirror yesterday. What does she have to write? Everyone seems to have one of a book out. Just like Moyles, whose book features many pictures and huge fonts. Billie Piper has one, Kerry Katona, Jodie Marsh, and even Peter Andre. Chappers isn't planning one, but Georgina has already started work on hers. Chris on the M1 thinks that someone should take Chantelle's more challenging book to be signed at the Moyles book signing.

<b>The Great American Name Phone Game</b>

The Great American Name Phone Game was back again today. Like Lavina Nipple, Aleese Wanger and Ginger Bush...

<I>Chappers: Are you not playing any more? Is Harry there?

Scott: No I'm not playing any more... there'll be children listening</i>

Today Scott was speaking to the wife of Rodger Bummer. Quite possibly the person that McFly were singing about in their latest song 'Star Girl'. Not laugh out loud stuff I’m afraid, but still, it raised a smile. Many were texting in to say how sad Scott and Chappers are... other texts included 'are you five'.

<I>Chappers: Not the band I guess...

Scott: Yeah we look nothing like them</i>

<b>Texting A Phone Neighbour</b>

Monday's show also comprised of stories from Scott's flatmate. He's been texting his 'phone neighbours', where you text the people who have the same number as him but with a digit out. I've given it a go, so if you're out there and you got a random message from a guy saying 'hi there!' it's quite possibly me. You should be privileged. One caller had just been a victim of the text neighbour idea, but they seemed rather weird. Scott advised not to text them back.

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<I>X Factor: Battle of the Boobs</i></center>

<b>Treacle on the Telly</B>

Such an imaginative name for this part of the review. Did any one see the X Factor on Saturday night? Scott thought it was average; and he didn't like the Motown Week. The Unconventials lost. It took time for Scott to even recall who was knocked out. Meanwhile elsewhere at Scott’s flat he saw the new Sky One reality show where celebrities do a circus trick which was hosted by Ruby Wax. With such celebrities as Kenzie, Sunita and Simon Cowell... in the audience. Sophie Anderton was also there, and she was apparently doing something on a trapeze.

<I>Chappers: Did she? Oh I might tune in then...</i>

Then there's Jade's PA. A new Living TV show where people queue to audition to become Jade's PA. Oh, and him and Chappers have also been watching Prime Suspect which they were both enjoying. Scott had never seen it before and described it as 'The Bill' with better acting. Scott thinks next he'll be catching The Royal. Or will it be Midsummer Murders?`

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<I>For those with bad sight, here's the title of the show in big letters</i></center>

Speaking of rubbish sounding TV, Scott put forward Laura for <B>Celebrity Scissorhands</B> for Children In Need. But she threw a strop, and because Scott got the short straw (quite literally) he's going to be the one appearing on the show. There'll be a salon set up for the show, and Scott will be cutting people's hair. Loads of people were prepared to have their hair cut by Scott. There's even colonic irrigation at this salon.

<I>Chappers: You're not doing that to me, back to hair cuts we go</i>

<b>Record of the Week - Week beginning 16th October 2006</b>

This week's Record of the Week is The Feeling and 'Love It When You Call'.

<b>The Beginning Of The End - Laura's Diary</b>

Last time on Laura's Diary, Laura's boyfriend Ben had dumped Laura by letter because of the long distance relationship. We're now up to 1998. Mary was back on, and was on a date last night.

<I>Mary: You know me; I'm a dirty stop out</i>

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<I>Ben - Doing the 'How You Doing' face and wearing awful shirts since 1998</i></center>

Today's embarrassing extract comes from the 11th August 1998. Today Ben had come home straight from work, as they'd start going out with each other again the summer holiday following the dumping.

<I>Chappers: I'm struggling to keep up already, and we've only had a sentence</i>

He had a shower at their house, and daddy wasn't happy. He found it all intrusive, but she found it more intrusive that her dad walks around in a long night shirt giving people an eye full of things people shouldn't see, when he's in the lounge. Laura's now used to her dad's criticisms, with his favourite line at the moment being "she's treating the house like a hotel". And she says she is. What a rebel. She also thinks Mary's crush on Ben is getting worse. She won't leave him alone, and made him a card from Fox Mary. Fox Mary as she was obsessed with foxes and wanted to be one. She does an Ace Ventura impression for him too, and even does the hand actions. Laura thinks her boobs were getting bigger, but Ben hadn't noticed anything. Vick called from Glasgow to say that Kirsty had decided she is a lesbian. Laura always thought she had it in her. And Ben was trying to get Laura's attention by sticking his <I>finger</i> in her ear as he's got something to show her.

<I>Scott (impersonating Ace Ventura): Let's see that again in instant replay</I>

So following the comment about fox Mary, many people have said they'd like to be like a fox. She said she used to write that in her school books, before being sectioned... but she's fine now. One texter even wanted to be a police dog. There were stories of people wanting to be otters and helicopters. I wanted to be a mummy and daddy, what's wrong with that?

Meanwhile in the world of celebrity gossip, Zoe's back in The Sun today and she's 24 again. Let's hope her breast stats don't change like her age does.

<b>Hoff Mania</b>

And the crappest quiz you'll ever hear today was Hoff Mania. It gives Celebrity Tarzan a run for its money. Listeners call up Radio 1, where we're told, calls cost £250 per minute, and The Hoff makes all the profits from this. Scott and The Hoff give listeners a word, and they tell him the word that comes next. It's nothing that you've ever seen after coming back in the pub. Today's word was 'pizza'. But what comes next? Danielle was on, and she thought she knew. But 'pie' wasn't the answer. Karen from Northern Ireland was also on and it wasn't 'hot'. She soon hung up though when The Hoff was hitting on her. The correct answer was 'pizza parlour'.

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<I>Hoff Mania... It's no Carpark Price is Right yet... but it certainly beats the hell out of Celebrity Tarzan</i></center>

<b>Geek Speak</b>

I’m going to rate today’s show an eight out of ten. It’s great to have Scott on breakfast, when I’m wide awake at least. The show needs a bit of tweaking before it can be purpose, but my advice is to stick with the show, and by the middle of the week I imagine it’ll be The Chris Moyles Show with Scott Mills we all love. Pop over to the forum and <a href="http://www.themillsfansite.com/communities/showthread.php?t=4774">rate today's breakfast show</a> and let the team know what you thought. Love you all.<BR><BR>