Scott v Matt and Mollie

[Grace]

<b>Well, if it isn’t only bley Tuesday. (Doesn’t really have the same ring, does it??)</b>

Scott’s looking more orange than ever, as the tanning place got new tubes. Chopper suggests that maybe Scott asks someone to break in his tubes. (Good Mornin’!) Laura apparently is getting increasingly crazy, and currently has “turmoil” written on her forehead in biro.

<b>Barbie Hot Tub Party Bus</b>

If you were listening yesterday, you would have heard Scott talking about the, and let me get this right, Barbie Hot Tub Party Bus. He would just like to clear up the fact that Barbie and her friends are still incredibly wholesome, and that the correct lyrics of the advert theme are “hot tub on the outside, whole house on the inside.” It turns out that the correct version of the song is maybe not a good thing, as people (i.e. Jono) aren’t going to buy it now there isn’t a <I>wh*re house</i> on the inside. Looks like they’ve lost some sales there.

<B>Radio 1 Online Text Bubble</B>

Chappers has realised that the text bubble is back on radio one online, and there appears to be a rather interesting combination of words coming in. You can even form your own sentence from them. Here’s just a few of the words from the bubble: Scott, inside, Barbie. Hmm, can’t quite figure that one out. Also, Scott dies inside Barbie. I still can’t work that out..

<B>Kickers - Back In Fashion</B>

Yet another revelation from The Lord! In the past few weeks we have discovered that Scott has died a few times, has a 19 year old daughter and is actually in his late forties. So what’s new? Yes, Scott dresses as a woman. And not just any woman, he dresses in his mum’s clothes. It turns out that thanks to the Klaxons, Kickers are back in fashion, so Scott is going to go and raid his mum’s wardrobe. Scott is obviously quite ashamed of this as he doesn’t like Chopper asking him questions about it. We understand, Scott. There is one thing that he wants to know, does his Kickers anorak count or it just the trainers?

<B>BRITmania</B>

Scott needs to work on his Russell Brand impression. And his Mika impression, And his Zane Lowe impression.

The BRITs are just around the corner, if you didn’t know. You probably wouldn’t, radio one haven’t been promoting it much at all. So we’ve got two callers, but are they suitable guests? Do they have a criminal record or do they have any restraining orders against them from any of the celebrities that will be attending the BRITs? Time for a pledge, repeat after me geeks:

“If I go to the BRITs, I promise that I won’t make a scene, and that Scott won’t have to call an ambulance like last year.”

Requests are apparently coming in on the texts for Scott to cover Thursday’s early morning breakfast show - 4 to 7 am - after the BRITs. It’s not going to happen, okay? Scott would like to make it clear that that clip off of five years ago will never be aired again. Chopper thinks otherwise.

<B>Wedding Stories</B>

There’s a new episode of Scott and Laura’s favourite show on BBC3 tonight, yes, it’s Wedding Stories! There are currently two ladies having a Rocky Horror style wedding and they are making a coffin as a prop. Val thinks she is “better at screwing”, take that as you wish. She also does lots of plastercine work. It’s the big day for Darren and Chyvonne (off of Pizza Hut honeymoon and Your Call earlier in the month), and we meet a new couple- Peter and Carlton. Scott is “so going home after the show” to watch this, so what do you do other days then Scott?

<B>Russell Brand</B>

Close your eyes, even though it is radio... See if you can tell the difference between Actual Russell Brand and Scott’s impersonation. Scott’s been getting beef off the texts saying his Russell impression is rubbish. They have a point. You Swine!! Del off of Aldershot suggests that Scott phones Russell’s friends and tries to convince them he is actual Mr Brand. Fearne Cotton went straight to answer phone the first time, but the second time she picks up, and she isn’t falling for it, this one lasted about a minute. Jo Whiley (this should be fun), she is not convinced, probably because Scott sounds more like Captain Jack Sparrow. She hangs up after 36 seconds. And now Scott has a one way ticket to hell, charming.

<B>Scott’s Daughter</B>

There’s been a bit of an update on Scott’s supposed daughter, it turns out she has told quite a few people Scott is her dad, people at her university and in clubs across Leeds. She was quite drunk and making the same joke about the Flirt Divert number. But is it the same girl, or has Scott been spreading his seed across the town? Could there be a whole fleet, as Chappers so aptly put it, of mini Mills daughters? It seems that two more of Scott’s children are on your call. Control yourself Mills!

<B>Beef from Jo</B>

Scott got a text from Jo Whiley saying that she was looking forward to their post BRITs chat that they always have. (He never goes up to her room for this chat.) And also that she has come up with an escape plan. He text back saying it sounded cool and he couldn’t wait, she then text back saying that she meant an escape from him not for him. Jo Whiley is a horrible woman and they are no longer friends.

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