Next Radio 1 boss

[Kelly]

1. David Hasselhoff is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

2. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures David Hasselhoff allows to live.

3. When David Hasselhoff drinks pee, his asparagus smells funny.

4. When David Hasselhoff was born, the nurse said, "Holy Cow! That's David Hasselhoff!" Then she had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.

5. When David Hasselhoff goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

6. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects David Hasselhoff could use to kill you, including the room itself.

7. The popular videogame "Doom" is based loosely around the time Satan borrowed two bucks from David Hasselhoff and forgot to pay him back.

8. David Hasselhoff can count backwards from infinity.

9. Crop circles are David's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the f_ down.

10. When David Hasselhoff jumps into a body of water, he doesn't get wet.The water gets David.

11. David Hasselhoff can divide by zero.

12. In fine print on the last page of the Guiness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by David Hasselhoff, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever come to matching him.

13. David Hasselhoff is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose's sh*t.

14. David Hasselhoff has two speeds: walk and kill.

15. David Hasselhoff is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

16. David Hasselhoff can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

17. You are what you eat. That is why David Hasselhoff diet consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.

18. David Hasselhoff once beat Super Mario Bros 3 without even touching his Nintendo controller. He just yelled at his TV in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich, and the game beat itself out of fear.

19. David Hasselhoff played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

20. If you were to lock David Hasselhoff in a room with a guitar, a year later you would have the greatest album ever, it would sweep the Grammys. When asked why he doesn't do this David replied "Because Grammys are for queers." Then he ate a knife to show the seriousness of his response.

21. On his birthday, David Hasselhoff randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

22. When David Hasselhoff does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

23. Whenever David Hasselhoff puts out a cigarette, he throws it in slow motion into a long line of gasoline and calmly walks away as an inferno erupts behind him.

24. David Hasselhoff invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink. But David Hasselhoff likes it to be known that using telekinesis, he made Tom Cruise mix red and white together, knowing fully well that the resulting colour would not be worthy of his creation. David Hasselhoff invented telekinesis.

25. David Hasselhoff coined the phrase, "I could eat a Horse" after he ate every last unicorn in existence.

26. David Hasselhoff haunts Freddy Krueger's nightmares.

27. The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object" was finally solved when David Hasselhoff punched himself in the face.

28. David Hasselhoff had sex with Al Gore's mother, thus, making him the real creator of the internet.

:biggrin:

[Jono]

Is this a random e-mail that's going around Kelly

[DC]

i can reveal it is all true.

[Kelly]

No, I found it here. It's a brilliant site!

[demonhorse]

It's also all on www.thehoff.org

""The three little pigs are more afraid of the Hoff, cause he'll "Hoff and Poff and he'll blow there brick house down"

[Kelly]

Found this on thesun.co.uk

David Hasselhoff is begging Countdown bosses to let him on the show — because he fancies Carol Vorderman.

Hoff wants to be a judge in Dictionary Corner.

He has told friends he’d love to gaze at the quiz show’s co-host Carol, 45, from close up.

A pal of ex-Baywatch star Hoff — currently in the charts with Jump In My Car — said: “David’s on the pull after splitting from his wife.

“He has seen Countdown and thinks Carol is stunning.

“He would love to meet her.”

But maths whizz Carol is unlikely to be interested.

The twice-wed star has a long-term boyfriend.

A Channel 4 source said: “If he’s hoping to whisk Carol off her feet, he’ll be disappointed.”

The Hoff, 54, shamelessly flirted with presenter Jenni Falconer live on GMTV earlier this month.

[loz]

i heard that if you add up the letters in the Hoffs full name , e.g. a=1, b=2, c=3 it adds up to 666... making the hoff the devil lol....