Chris was married
Chris finally returned to Radio 1.
Scott opened by saying the wedding had been one of the best days of his life, while acknowledging that this was not really supposed to be about him.
Scott’s official job at the ceremony had ended up being remarkably specific.
Because it was so hot, he had been given a box of fans to distribute.
Chris thanked him for performing his “head of cooling” duties professionally.
Then they reviewed the speech.
Chris admitted he had borrowed inspiration from speeches sent to him by Matt Edmondson and producer Mark.
One Spice Girls reference had created unintended confusion.
Trying to compliment his wife’s friends, Chris quoted “If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends”.
Guests were left with questions about exactly which friends he was suggesting people should “get with”.
Scott introduced Chris to “wig”
Chris had been away while Scott discovered “wig flew”.
He had no idea what people were talking about.
Scott played the *American Idol* clip of Noah Davis and the explanation that an amazing performance could blow somebody’s imaginary wig clean off.
Chris gradually accepted the language.
The return of football gave Scott another obvious use.
A spectacular Watford goal could now make Chris’s wig fly.
Chris had missed several weeks of ordinary Radio 1 life.
Apparently that was long enough for the vocabulary to change completely.
Scott had not bought a proper wedding present
Chris also noticed that Scott had not yet given him a conventional wedding gift.
Scott admitted this was true.
He had apparently expected some sort of gift list and was using its absence as his excuse.
A proper present would eventually appear.
For now, Scott had arranged an interim surprise.
Naked Martin delivered the welcome-home message
During the World Cup, one particular England supporter had gone viral while celebrating almost completely naked, with an England flag providing the necessary coverage.
Scott had somehow obtained contact details for the man the show called Naked Martin.
Martin recorded a personalised message for Chris.
He congratulated him on the wedding, wished him well after the honeymoon and welcomed him back to Radio 1.
The novelty was not simply the message.
Martin appeared in the style which had made him famous.
Chris immediately wanted the video sent to his wife.
Scott considered it an excellent temporary substitute for an actual wedding present.
Alan Hutton scoring triggered a compulsory night out
The show also heard from a group of friends with a long-standing rule built around Aston Villa player Alan Hutton.
Their social-media account had spent years effectively asking whether Hutton had scored.
He almost never did.
The agreement was that if he finally scored, everybody had to go out drinking that night, regardless of what work, finances or other responsibilities they had.
Hutton scored.
The rule activated.
People around the country began sending photographs showing that they had obeyed it.
The group estimated it had been around 1,309 days since his previous goal.
Scott loved the unnecessary commitment.
A footballer scoring an unusually rare goal had become a legally non-binding command for strangers to leave their homes and go to the pub.
Chris had returned from marriage to discover two new things about Radio 1 life.
Wigs could fly.
And Alan Hutton could apparently control people’s evening plans.
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