Naked Martin had entered Chris’s DMs
Chris’s strange welcome-home present had not ended with the video.
After Scott arranged a message from World Cup viral star Naked Martin, Martin attempted to message Chris directly.
The request began by identifying himself again and asking whether Chris had enjoyed the video.
Chris had not yet accepted the message request.
He had, however, already sent the original clip to members of his family.
One recipient was not especially grateful to receive an unexpected video from a naked England supporter.
Scott could see the problem.
The joke had worked perfectly at Radio 1.
Outside the show, explaining “don’t worry, it’s just Naked Martin” did not automatically make the situation less strange.
Ellie’s dating-app syndicate
The programme returned to overused dating bios with listener Ellie.
Ellie and her friends did not swipe alone.
They met over cocktails, sat with their phones and effectively treated dating apps as a group activity.
They knew one another’s types and shared profiles between themselves.
Scott described it as a syndicate.
Ellie then brought the list of profile lines the group wanted men to stop using.
One offender was:
“I’m 20, not 25, don’t know why it says that.”
Ellie’s verdict was that the person probably lied about their age when signing up to Facebook years earlier and should stop pretending the app had mysteriously made the mistake.
“Looking for a travel buddy” was dismissed with “please travel away from me”.
“Professional spider catcher and big spoon” was rejected as another attempt to sound protective and quirky.
She was equally unimpressed by people calling themselves an “animal lover” because they “love animals more than people”, the inevitable gym and gin emojis, or describing themselves as a “gin connoisseur”.
Fake review quotes from celebrities and exes were also on the list.
Ellie said the problem was not that nobody had ever laughed at any of these jokes.
It was that thousands of profiles were already using exactly the same ones.
The next stage was obvious
Listeners immediately volunteered their own bios for judgement.
Scott realised the feature could become much more dangerous.
If Ellie was willing, she could come back and review real Radio 1 listeners directly.
Ellie agreed.
That appointment was booked for the following day.
Will and Katie were offensively in love
Chris had also argued that some couples’ Instagram declarations of love could not possibly reflect how people really behaved in private.
Scott found Will and Katie.
They absolutely did.
Will said that when he had been away in Glasgow, he wrote Katie a physical letter for every day they were apart and posted them home.
The pair also sent each other long voice messages even though they lived together.
Scott asked them to recreate the exchange.
Will and Katie immediately slipped into affectionate pet names, dinner plans and declarations about how much they missed each other.
Will’s name for Katie was the French phrase which gave the podcast its title, rendered in the transcript as “mon petit chou chou d’amour”.
Katie’s pet name for Will was much less glamorous: “ginger nut”.
Chris had wanted proof that the ultra-loved-up relationship style was exaggerated for social media.
Will and Katie only made it worse.
They really did speak like that.
COMMENTS