Chris meets a Breaking Bad hero
Chris arrived with a running injury and a new ambition to do more things with Scott outside work. Their completed friendship activities already included water, massages and Scott shaving Chris, but they had never run, eaten Lebanese food or had spray tans together. The list was left open for future experiments.
Scott had spent a busy weekend DJing on the Isle of Man and in Cookstown, presenting the chart for an ill Jameela Jamil and attending the Eurovision launch. He had also discovered that Ellen DeGeneres followed him on Twitter just as her Oscars selfie filled everybody’s timelines.
The main excitement was Chris meeting Aaron Paul, despite Scott admitting that he had not watched Breaking Bad and had barely known who Aaron was a week earlier. Chris was properly star-struck by Jesse Pinkman and used Scott’s absence from the interview to pitch ideas that no conventional film conversation would have accommodated.
Need for Squid and Aaron Paul Bleach
Chris’s first suggestions were science equipment linked to Breaking Bad, a squid restaurant called “Need for Squid” and cleaning products marketed as Aaron Paul Bleach. Aaron politely entertained all three, even recording a line for the bleach, before Chris explained that he knew a millionaire businesswoman who might invest.
That was Deborah Meaden, whom Chris continued to call Mrs Meaden despite her reminding him that nobody else struggled with her name. Aaron joined the call and charmed Deborah by saying that he was looking at a photograph of her. Chris declared himself the new Heisenberg and handed Aaron a fresh pitch to read.
“Need to Slow Things Down” was a contraceptive connected to Need for Speed and designed to prolong bedroom performance. Deborah established that Aaron had known his new business partner for about eight minutes. No investment followed, but Aaron’s willingness to take the idea seriously gave Chris a Hollywood endorsement far beyond anything the product deserved.
The things celebrities agreed to do
The team looked through old emails containing extraordinary requests sent to celebrity agents. Chace Crawford really had let Scott blindfold him, put him in a bib and feed him baby food. Enrique Iglesias had agreed to search for missing items with a metal detector, while Paris Hilton played “Dave Pearce, Smell My Finger”.
Alexandra Burke had declined to clear rubbish from the Thames with Westwood, although she later worked in a charity shop with him. Kerry Katona accepted a Grimy Award for Atomic Kitten’s “most offensive comeback”, demonstrating that an apparently impossible request could succeed if somebody was prepared to ask it.
Listener Joe then introduced the Who Game. Players had to produce a recognisable “who” sound in turn, using everything from telephone boxes and dial-up internet to Alien Ant Farm and Ray Quinn. Scott eventually failed with “scampi”, but immediately decided the deceptively difficult game should return.
Greg’s Real or No Real confirmed that Radio 4 reporter Colin Paterson really had shouted “Bono” repeatedly on the Oscars red carpet. Nick Clegg had not recreated Ellen’s selfie, the world’s tallest man really had helped remove plastic from dolphins’ stomachs, and Angela Rippon had visited Pacha in Ibiza at 71. Greg won by forty points to twenty.
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