24 Years at the Tap End
Chris Stark's mock autobiography, 24 Years at the Tap End, became one of the Scott Mills show's best-loved recurring features. Each instalment revealed another unlikely chapter from Chris's life, combining childhood memories, embarrassing stories and absurd anecdotes.
Chris’s carefully planned teenage date included a miniature railway, a McDonald’s meal and no kiss, but he still declared it a small victory. [...]
Emily Atack agreed to revive Chris’s chicken-nugget challenge after his Tap End defence blamed cold food, a giant clock and an unsympathetic scoreboard operator. [...]
Chris’s Manchester birthday trip ended on Canal Street after his friend mistook two police officers for club representatives. [...]
Scott abandoned his plan to cover Susan Boyle in white face paint after one look from her convinced him that a Twilight remake was not going to happen. [...]
Misha B said one side of her face looked like Eamonn Holmes after emergency root-canal treatment forced her to postpone her visit. [...]
Chris sparked a rush from an underage pub after mistaking a blind man and his guide dog for police arriving with a sniffer dog. [...]
Chris’s first university Halloween ended with security ejecting him after he attacked a ghost with a plastic devil’s pitchfork. [...]
Chris was removed from tour-guide duty after leading prospective pupils through the caretaker’s kitchen, living room and bedrooms. [...]
Chris decided a visiting French couple wanted to “become a triple” with him before Scott revealed they were two English actors. [...]
Chris believed his English-accented French had secured him a date, unaware that Scott had arranged the entire telephone call. [...]