Olly Murs returns
Olly Murs reunited with Scott after introducing him on stage the previous night. They looked back at their Let’s Dance for Sport Relief performance as LMFAO and finally admitted how disappointed they had been not to progress. Both had publicly concentrated on the money raised for charity, but Scott had worked hard on the routine and Olly said they had genuinely wanted to win. LMFAO’s subsequent split even led them to imagine becoming a tribute act if Olly’s solo career ever failed.
Scott’s new enthusiasm for Pitbull prompted a discussion about whether Olly could support both Pitbull and Flo Rida. Flo Rida appeared on Olly’s single “Troublemaker”, yet the two had never met or spoken. Their teams had arranged the collaboration and Olly had only heard an interview in which the rapper praised his music. Scott also had to explain the wordplay in Flo Rida’s stage name, before Olly realised that will.i.am worked in much the same way.
Olly had recently performed on the Swedish version of The X Factor, where he thought the male presenter resembled a combination of himself and Dermot O’Leary. He joined the contestants’ group performance for a Frank Sinatra section, then performed “Troublemaker” and “Heart Skips a Beat”. Despite growing success in Europe and America, he promised that he would not abandon Essex for Los Angeles or a Kardashian.
A teenage date at Ruislip Lido
In 24 Years at the Tap End, Chris returned to the age of 16 and a girl he disguised as “Maud”. He had spent hours talking to her on MSN and secured a date, but first needed money. He and his friends revived their car-washing business with shampoo and polish borrowed from Dugsy’s father, Papa Roy. The proceeds were enough for the following day.
Chris deliberately did not message Maud that morning because he feared they would otherwise have nothing left to say in person. Wearing his best hoodie and plenty of Lynx Africa, he took the H13 bus to Ruislip Lido. He pretended not to notice her being dropped off by her father so she would not face an awkward walk towards him, then acted pleasantly surprised when she arrived.
They walked around the lake, tried the swings and queued for the miniature railway. Chris imagined the train would be romantic, but realised that every other passenger was either a young child or a parent. The story reminded Beccy of an old personalised teddy bear containing an ex-boyfriend’s recorded message. Her mother had opened the bear and her stepfather had stamped on the mechanism, but it continued saying “I love you” until they submerged it in water.
Maud did not seem impressed by the railway and Chris had still not held her hand. He took her into Ruislip town centre for food, but decided he did not like her enough to pay for Pizza Hut and instead let her choose anything she wanted from McDonald’s. He did not attempt a goodbye kiss. They saw each other again three years later, but Chris treated the original outing as progress because, unlike a previous date, they had at least managed to talk.
Chris tells his mother the truth about Pitbull
The programme’s week of mock confessions reached Chris’s mother. Calling while she was driving through Ruislip, he warned that he had suppressed his feelings and worried about how his father might react. She prepared herself for something serious before he announced that he loved Pitbull and wanted to be him.
Chris quoted Pitbull’s claims about travelling everywhere and hitting home runs, while his mother sat at traffic lights with the call playing through the car’s hands-free system and the windows open. Her main response was that she had things to do. Chris nevertheless ended the call feeling that he had said it loudly and proudly.
Olly Murs plays Innuendo Bingo
Olly had specifically requested another game of what he repeatedly called “Bingo in Uendo”. The team briefly persuaded him that it could not happen, then revealed that Beccy was ready to face him. Olly protected his hair with a scarf because he had an album listening party that evening, creating what Scott suggested could become the cover of his fourth album.
Olly immediately soaked Beccy when Bargain Hunt assessed a woman’s knobs. Radio Berkshire reported four people holding wood, Dynasty supplied a line about pouring champagne over cushions and Bill Turnbull discussed a puffing coat. Olly successfully held his water through several later clips, including a Newsnight question about a dig and Gemma Cairney’s protruding lips, while Beccy became progressively wetter.
The closing run included a Countryfile farmer whose bull had caused headaches and Deirdre’s familiar line about getting her grass wet. Olly had enjoyed the game, but left needing to dry himself before promoting an album which he hoped might reach number one.
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