Category: News
The green light does not arrive
Scott and Chris have spent days promising that Will Smith and Margot Robbie's Playground Insults will be heard at 13:45. Scott has promoted it on Greg James and Nick Grimshaw's programmes and Chris has told all his friends, but one final approval remains outstanding in Los Angeles.
They personify the missing decision-maker as “Hollywood”, imagining a powerful figure asleep in an enormous office. The time difference means the approval cannot arrive before transmiss [...]
Project Murphy imagines the impossible
Chris presents Project Murphy for Show and Tell, an artificial-intelligence bot that answers “what if” questions by generating images. His first request turns Scott into the face on a coin. Further attempts place him in Tudor clothing and apparently marry him to Dannii Minogue, although the system sometimes swaps the wrong faces.
The experiment becomes unsettling when Chris asks to be shown as Margot Robbie's best friend and receives an image combining his [...]
An Apple Pay misunderstanding
Listener Jess asks to use Apple Pay in a corner shop. The assistant disappears and returns with a frozen apple pie, scans it and puts it in the bag. Jess accepts the purchase rather than explain the misunderstanding.
The story arrives as Scott asks listeners to keep sending material from their lives, but with one condition: it has to be true. He suspects some people are inventing increasingly elaborate incidents simply to appear on the programme.
Chloe's friends com [...]
Chris furnishes the house in the wrong order
Chris has moved into his new house but owns almost no furniture. He has no bed, sofa or chairs and has fashioned a temporary seat from a cardboard box. His first proper purchases are a dartboard and a barbecue, which he considers enough to provide entertainment and food.
Scott doubts that barbecuing can sustain him indefinitely and notes that the decision has not impressed Chris's girlfriend. Chris is nevertheless pleased that the water works and beli [...]
Relive all five seasons on Unofficial Mills - download the files or listen on our website. [...]
Will remembers an old interview
Scott and Chris meet Will Smith and Margot Robbie at a grand London hotel to discuss Suicide Squad. Scott reminds Will that, after an interview roughly ten years earlier, the actor sent him a handwritten thank-you note on personalised paper. Will jokes that he no longer needs to make such gestures now that he has succeeded, while Margot is asked to send a matching note in a few weeks.
The cast describe the film as an immediate assault on the senses that needs to b [...]
Station head Ben Cooper defends the station’s fall. [...]
A lunch divides Scott and Chris
Chris returns with a pasta-heavy lunch for Scott, who is trying to eat more salad and immediately complains that the meal will make him sleepy. Chris points out the broccoli and accuses Scott of becoming showbiz now that their old lunches no longer meet his standards.
Attention then turns to the next day's interview with Will Smith and Margot Robbie. Scott wants both of them in suits for the occasion and repeatedly stresses the scale of the booking, while Chris wo [...]
London's most rivalled view
Before seeing Suicide Squad, Scott and Chris visit a hotel rooftop bar promising “unrivalled views of London”. They reach the top to find murky weather, a plant and the top of one barely identifiable building. Listeners agree that the view is unrivalled only in its disappointment.
The failed rooftop becomes another example of ordinary things being oversold. Scott posts the evidence online, while Chris supplies his own equally unimpressive “unrivalled view” of Scott.
E [...]
Scott returns with a mysterious voicemail
Scott returns from a short break in Madrid and Chris confronts him about an unanswered call and an unusually late voicemail. Scott rarely leaves messages, so Chris assumed something serious had happened. The recording contains little more than laughter and a demand to know what is “amazing”.
Scott explains that he had unexpectedly met his friend Dr Dave, a space scientist who lived nearby. At 12:20 in the morning, however, he no longer remembers what pro [...]