Scott still could not say no
Scott returned from the break with proof that one of his longest-running problems had not improved.
He found it extremely difficult to say no when somebody offered him something face to face.
The latest example came during a haircut in Dubai.
The haircut itself was fine.
Then the barber offered a hair spa.
Scott did not really know what that meant.
He said yes anyway.
Three hours later, Scott was still there
Products went onto his face and hair.
Then a large heated or steaming dome was placed around his head.
Scott had initially expected a normal haircut appointment.
He ended up sitting in the salon for roughly three hours because he kept accepting each new stage.
When another massage was offered, he finally remembered he actually had dinner plans and needed to escape.
Chris thought the whole experience proved Scott needed to practise one word:
“No.”
Scott agreed in theory.
His recent history suggested the problem would return.
Weddings could become naked very quickly
The programme also discussed how fast weddings could move from formal photographs and speeches to complete chaos.
One wedding Scott or the team had encountered began with everybody looking respectable on the lawn.
Later, a particular song or moment led to members of the wedding party removing clothes.
Scott was fascinated by the speed of the transformation.
A group could go from suits and dresses to near-nudity in a matter of hours.
That made the day’s Ask Me Anything guest unusually well timed.
Ask Me Anything met a Butler in the Buff
The mystery caller worked as a Butler in the Buff and also as a nude life model.
The job involved attending parties and events, often serving drinks or entertaining groups while wearing very little.
Scott and Chris immediately asked about hen parties.
They assumed those were where the strangest bookings happened.
The caller had something better.
A funeral.
The funeral booking was real
He and another butler were told to meet at a crematorium.
They initially had no idea what sort of party could possibly be taking place there.
Then the job was explained.
They were there to help carry the casket.
Their shirts were off.
They did at least wear trousers because it was October and cold.
Bow ties and cuffs completed the look.
Scott could hardly believe somebody had arranged shirtless pallbearers as part of a funeral.
The caller treated it as another unusual booking.
Chris decided that, as final exits went, it was certainly memorable.
Could a voice get someone pregnant?
Listener Fee from Aberdeen then messaged the show saying the Butler in the Buff had such an attractive voice she thought it might get her pregnant.
Scott and Chris decided to test the theory with other famous voices.
Bryan Cranston reading Little Mix lyrics did nothing for Fee.
Liam Neeson delivering one of his threatening film speeches was more frightening than seductive.
The butler remained the winner.
Radio 1 had not scientifically proved pregnancy by voice.
It had established that Fee had a very specific preference.
Scott finally became a travel agent
Then came a listener who perfectly suited one of Scott’s unrealised career ambitions.
Katie lived in Chicago, Illinois and was coming to the UK for the first time.
She had found Scott and Chris while searching for British radio and now regularly listened to them as her breakfast show.
Katie loved the idea of Britain.
Harry Potter.
Old architecture.
Castles.
Tea.
Royal history.
And especially Anne Boleyn.
Scott immediately announced the launch of the Scott Mills Travel Agency.
If radio had not worked out, he said, he could easily imagine himself as a travel agent, cabin crew member or holiday rep.
Katie would become the first proper customer.
The show asked listeners around Britain to send recommendations tailored to everything she loved.
Fresher of the Week began with Lauren
September also brought the return of university freshers.
Lauren, from South Wales, had moved into student accommodation linked with the University of Exeter’s Cornwall campus.
She had arrived only the previous day and already been out with people from her course.
The drinks were cheap enough to taste suspicious.
Her flatmates seemed quieter.
Scott and Chris decided Lauren needed a proper introduction to university life.
Lauren announced herself to the lecture
The pair wrote a deliberately embarrassing introduction for Lauren to deliver outside her first welcome lecture.
She walked through the door and repeated their script loudly:
Her name was Lauren with an L.
She was a fresher.
She was really cool.
Nobody should be intimidated by her beauty.
If anybody saw her around campus, they should come and speak to her.
Then Scott and Chris told her to run back out.
Lauren did.
The show had solved the problem of blending into the crowd.
Everybody in that room now knew who she was.
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