Chris thought Justin Bieber had barely tried
Billie Eilish had released a version of “Bad Guy” featuring Justin Bieber.
Chris listened to the additional verse and made a deliberately provocative claim.
Anybody could do that.
Scott challenged him to prove it.
Chris wrote his own replacement lyrics in roughly four or five minutes, recorded them and let the production team use Auto-Tune.
The finished version sounded much more convincing than Scott expected.
Chris immediately decided this demonstrated that Justin Bieber’s contribution could not have required much work.
Scott pointed out that producing a silly Radio 1 parody and appearing on a global hit were not exactly the same thing.
Chris still felt vindicated.
The recording would spread around Radio 1 over the following days.
Peterborough had to compete with Orlando
Listener Sam had a difficult sales job.
His fiancée Nicky was moving from Orlando to Peterborough in around three weeks.
Sam wanted Radio 1 to make Peterborough sound sufficiently exciting that the contrast did not feel too brutal.
Chris therefore produced another Stark Guide.
The challenge was obvious.
Orlando had theme parks and Florida sunshine.
Peterborough had to be presented with equal confidence.
Chris jokingly branded it the Disney World of Great Britain.
History became propaganda
The guide moved through Roman and railway connections, local geography and Peterborough’s position in the eternal argument over where the north began.
Chris also mentioned the passport office and warned against spending the whole visit comparing the city with nearby Cambridge.
As always, the Stark Guide mixed genuine research with deliberately inflated tourism language.
Sam did not need academic history.
He needed propaganda capable of reassuring somebody moving across the Atlantic.
Secret Snog remained unsolved
The show also returned to Secret Snog.
A celebrity was kissing something.
Callers continued guessing.
Greg James with a crumpet and Craig David with an ice cream were among the kinds of possibilities being suggested.
The current sound remained stubbornly difficult to identify.
Scott was beginning to wonder whether the feature needed clues rather than endless wet noises.
Beth accidentally invented a national day
Earlier in the week, listener Beth had talked about old holiday shirts connected with Boardmasters and group trips.
The programme had already spent much of July collecting stag, hen, university and Young Farmers T-shirts.
Now Scott and Chris formalised the obsession.
Thursday 1 August 2019 would become the world’s first Holiday T-Shirt Day.
Listeners were instructed to dig out an old shirt and wear it to work.
The more embarrassing the nickname or slogan, the better.
Bosses could call Radio 1 for permission
The obvious problem was workplace dress codes.
Scott and Chris offered to intervene.
If somebody needed permission from a boss, the show would try to persuade them.
Lorry drivers, office workers, farmers and people with old stag shirts began volunteering.
Some shirts were too rude for work.
Others no longer fitted.
Scott said neither problem necessarily disqualified them.
The point was to revive the object and the memory attached to it.
Holiday T-Shirt Day was officially less than a week away.
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