Radio 1 had advertised an announcement nobody could remember
The information attached to Wednesday’s programme already said Scott and Chris had a big announcement.
There was one problem.
Nobody on the team could remember what it was.
The producer knew the line had been put into the schedule after a conversation in the pub.
Whatever idea had inspired it had disappeared.
Scott and Chris spent Tuesday trying to manufacture a replacement.
Suggestions included DNA tests, health checks and hijacking listeners’ own announcements.
They were certain of only one thing: it was not yet the return of Innuendo Bingo.
That denial would not age well.
Funny Business went anatomical
Tuesday also brought Funny Business.
The latest company names pushed the pair into unusually penis-heavy territory.
As always, the actual businesses were genuine and the people answering were simply trying to help potential customers.
Scott and Chris were the ones incapable of behaving like adults.
The format was becoming one of the show’s most reliable Tuesday features because listeners kept finding increasingly unbelievable names.
Theresa May was on the phone
On a hugely important day in Westminster, Radio 1 genuinely spoke to Theresa May.
Not that Theresa May.
This Theresa was a cleaner from Lee-on-the-Solent in Hampshire.
Sharing the Prime Minister’s name had become part of her daily life.
If she commented on Facebook, people replied telling her to get back to Brexit.
When asked for her name on the telephone, customer-service staff sometimes paused because they thought she was joking.
One person had even hung up after she finally reached them following a long wait.
Theresa had developed prepared responses.
If somebody told her to sort Brexit out, she could say she would have her lunch first.
Her customers enjoyed saying the Prime Minister had come round to clean their house.
Scott and Chris naturally asked whether she had ever run through a field of wheat.
She had heard that joke before too.
Two Rebeccas had to talk
Another part of the programme placed two people called Rebecca together in an intentionally awkward conversation.
The show had become interested in the strange feeling of meeting somebody with your own name, particularly when that name was unusual within your social group.
The conversation did not magically create an instant bond.
That was why Scott enjoyed it.
The missing announcement remained missing
By the end of Tuesday, tomorrow’s “big announcement” still had no content.
Listeners had supplied possibilities.
The show had not.
Wednesday would therefore begin with a national radio programme needing to invent news purely because its electronic programme guide had promised some.
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