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22 April 2015: Scott invents Alice Levine’s outrageous DJ rider

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22 April 2015: Scott invents Alice Levine’s outrageous DJ rider

 

The noise in Ella Eyre’s podcast

A podcast listener heard a suspicious sound during the previous day’s Innuendo Bingo with Ella Eyre. It appeared immediately after Scott said, “One for you here, Chris”, making it sound as though he had announced a fart as a gift.

Scott denied responsibility and decided Ella had produced a nervous one during the game. He invited listeners to ask her about it on Twitter, then remembered that the audience would genuinely do as instructed and hurriedly tried to stop the messages.

Alice’s rider

Alice Levine was DJing at the Young Farmers’ AGM on Saturday, with Scott following on Sunday. The previous year, Scott and Chris had pretended to be Alice’s representatives and sent an absurd rider to the same event, forcing her to apologise when organisers tried to fulfil it.

Scott used a voice changer and called organiser Adam as “David Stiddles”. He began with room-temperature water, rose water and two Coke floats, then requested three crisp Viennettas, four burgers without buns, eight breadless sandwiches and a cheese board containing Monterey Jack, smoked Gouda and Stinking Bishop.

The demands escalated to shaved kebab meat served on the body of a local farmhand. Alice also supposedly required dim lighting, a Victorian changing screen, scented candles, a square melon served on a white leather sofa, a writing desk with a feathered pen, a dictionary and a thesaurus.

Adam calmly said he would do his best. The Viennettas and farmhand appeared achievable, while the smelly cheese might require its own fridge and air freshener. His willingness made the call more uncomfortable for Alice, who knew she would have to explain everything on arrival.

A recovered Bumblello

After the previous week’s awkward edition, Scott approached Bumblello under pressure. He shortened the silent gap, inserted Ted Loveday’s “hapax legomenon” and the farmhand request, then moved rapidly through listeners revising, repairing cars and enjoying the sunshine.

Messages declared that he had recovered his form. Scott’s mood then moved from giddy pre-holiday excitement to an urgent ice-cream craving, which Chris interpreted as evidence that men also experienced one inexplicably strange day each month.

A trick for Grimmy

Grimmy had compared an interview by his dog Pig with Scarlett Johansson and Mark Ruffalo to Chris Stark’s famous Mila Kunis encounter. Chris accepted the intended compliment but objected to being placed in the role of a dog taken for a walk by Scott.

With Jack and Dean helping, he set up a supposed coin trick involving a full water bottle. They looked into the top first and acted impressed. When Grimmy placed his face over it, Chris squeezed the bottle and fired the water upwards.

There had never been a trick. Grimmy’s confused reaction suggested he had not found it as funny as Chris did, but the video encouraged listeners to try the same setup on friends.

Alice plays Real or No Real

Alice, again addressed as Barbara Windsor, remained unhappy about the rider before playing Real or No Real. A Japanese spa really did allow customers to bathe in pork ramen broth, and Dave Grohl was once treated in hospital for chest pain caused by excessive coffee.

Scott won 40 points to Alice’s 10. She left preparing for a weekend in which Stinking Bishop, square melon and a nearly naked farmhand might genuinely be waiting backstage.

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