Rhianna is still laughing
Rhianna Dhillon’s response to the previous day’s Innuendo Bingo continued after the microphones were closed. Chris’s phone video showed her crying with laughter for another minute and a half, and replaying “I’ve got the Oxford cox in my ear” immediately set her off again.
Scott added the extra footage to the game’s video and accepted that Rhianna had been genuinely unable to proceed. She even resumed laughing while Chris walked her back through the office.
A badly judged Bumblello
Scott attempted to improve “In for Grimmy This Week on Breakfast Wednesday” after listeners criticised the previous edition. Arnold Schwarzenegger provided a warm-up and the requested clips included the Lady Gaga fan’s “Yas” and the voice of Instagram.
The main sequence stopped prematurely, shout-outs arrived late and the silence between the opening tease and full Bumblello felt too long. Scott took the failure personally and admitted he had forgotten a Ken Brown clip he intended to include.
Chris reassured him that it had not been a bad edition, only an oddly paced one. Scott promised normal service the following week.
Kim Kardashian’s food diary
Kim Kardashian’s published routine began with a 6am run around her gated community. Breakfast was scrambled eggs, a protein shake and fruit, followed later by fish and vegetables prepared by a chef.
An abdominal workout separated lunch from another dinner of fish and vegetables, occasionally replaced by chicken. Chris considered the meals tolerable but the repetition bleak, while Scott connected the two-fish day with the show’s bodybuilder who ate fish and rice cakes every two hours.
The larger obstacle was the time and staff required. Kim did not have to commute, shop or prepare the meals herself, making the discipline difficult to reproduce in an ordinary working day.
Face down in the canteen
A man had fallen asleep on Scott’s shoulder during a packed train journey, reminding him how awkward it was to wake or climb over a stranger. He sent Chris to the BBC canteen to test how somebody would react if trapped in a booth beside a sleeping person.
Simply closing his eyes was not dramatic enough. Scott ordered Chris to buy a plate containing only baked beans, wait for them to cool and slowly lower his face into them.
Chris sat beside a woman so she could not leave without passing him. He planted his face in the beans and responded to Scott only by pressing phone keys. The woman pointed out that his face was in his lunch, while another man became concerned and physically raised his head.
Chris tried to make the situation credible by murmuring that he was tired and saying “Mummy” as though dreaming. Nobody believed him. He retreated to the toilets until the witnesses had left and returned upstairs still finding beans on his face.
Clara Amfo’s Real or No Real
Clara Amfo joined the show after recovering from illness and practised Scott’s preferred chart-show phrases, including “As the numbers get smaller, the hits get bigger” and “across the UK”.
She then played Real or No Real. The Game of Thrones writers really had deceived Alfie Allen with a fake script, although Lethal Bizzle had not renamed himself Lemon Drizzle for a charity bake-off. Il Divo had sold almost twice as many albums as Foo Fighters.
The game ended a programme in which the most visibly committed performance still belonged to Chris, asleep in a canteen meal for no defensible reason.
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