Scott unveils one of the show’s most absurd pointless surveys yet, asking whether listeners would kiss a goat if it looked exactly like Britney Spears but still sounded like a goat — and then gets hands-on with measuring Fran’s expanding chest as the F-Cup cookie experiment continues.
The show opens with Scott and the team discovering old listener questions from when Chris Evans was covering the Breakfast show. Among them: the now-legendary goat question. Scott reveals this will be today’s pointless survey and seems genuinely bemused by the premise — repeatedly clarifying that it is definitely still a goat, just one that looks like Britney Spears and makes actual goat noises. The team debates whether the listener made it up or lifted it from a film. Scott ultimately decides yes, he would kiss it.
The pointless survey results come back: a surprising 63% of people said they would kiss the goat. The team works through various street interview clips, including a particularly baffled French man who keeps asking “Did I already kiss the goat?” and later becomes very enthusiastically interested when the question is rephrased. A woman initially says no, then starts wavering when alternative celebrities are suggested — eventually agreeing she’d kiss a goat that looked like Kate Holmes, which earns a quip about Sara Cox not being mentioned.
In the second half, Scott measures Fran’s bust for the ongoing F-Cup cookie experiment. Fran has grown from 34.5 inches to 35 inches since starting the Japanese cookies, and the team conducts a comedy medical-procedure setup behind a screen. After much fumbling with tape measures and bra clasps, Scott confirms growth to 35 and a quarter inches. A news flash mid-show reveals Radio 1 has reversed its decision to censor the word “faggot” from The Pogues’ “Fairytale of New York.”
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