Scott had found his dream sea fort
Scott had been browsing property listings despite not seriously intending to move.
Then he found something considerably more interesting than a house.
For around £50,000, he could apparently buy a Grade II listed sea fort in the Humber Estuary.
It had been built for wartime defence, reinforced with concrete and armour designed to withstand naval fire.
There were multiple floors, a basement magazine below sea level and enough accommodation for a garrison of roughly 200 men.
It also needed substantial refurbishment.
None of that reduced Scott’s enthusiasm.
He imagined living there, broadcasting from there and potentially filling it with listeners.
Chris was more interested in practical questions such as what Scott’s family might think about relocating to a fortified structure in the middle of an estuary.
Scott had not got that far.
Granny Tinder heard the news
Then Granny Tinder, Lynette, returned to the programme.
Scott and Chris had to explain that their Radio 1 show was ending.
Lynette had already heard.
She was sad for listeners but characteristically unsentimental about her own feature, suggesting that after several years she sometimes felt she was repeating herself.
The pair strongly disagreed.
Granny Tinder had become one of the defining recurring features of the later show.
They reminded her that she had even written to the BBC Director-General praising them.
Sofia needed a boyfriend before August ended
The feature’s original purpose had been to find a partner for Lynette’s granddaughter Sofia, who worked at Radio 1.
After years of swiping, Scott realised the clock was now running out.
They had only weeks left to finally produce a successful match.
Granny Tinder reviewed two new profiles.
A jazz musician generated a long diversion into Scott’s previous relationship with a trombonist and his lack of enthusiasm for jazz.
A second candidate, Danny from recruitment, immediately appealed to Lynette because his profile mentioned dinner with “mumsy”.
The show now had an unofficial final-season objective: get Sofia a boyfriend before the last programme.
Lynette had started watching Love Island
Granny Tinder had also attempted to watch *Love Island*.
The first couple of times she fell asleep.
Eventually she stayed awake long enough to develop opinions about why anybody would voluntarily put themselves through it.
Scott and Chris then assigned homework.
They wanted Lynette to watch one particularly memorable conversation involving Andrew, Tasha and Coco and report back.
The idea of Granny Tinder reviewing *Love Island* was too useful to waste.
The archive was becoming unavoidable
Listener requests brought back old clips including the programme’s homemade version of “Let’s Be in Sea, Girl”, the famous *Celebrity Big Brother* misunderstanding over “David’s dead”, a homemade introduction to Sigala and Pete Tong, and an impossibly prolonged goodbye with Granny Tinder.
As the final weeks approached, the present-day show and the archive were beginning to merge.
The quiz celebrated 24 years
Producer Amy built a round around songs that had reached number 24 in the chart, linking the number to Scott’s roughly 24-year Radio 1 career.
Scott questioned the exact mathematics.
Nobody particularly cared.
The point was that there had been a lot of years, a lot of charts and now, apparently, enough history to build entire quiz rounds around them.
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