Halloween food had become unbearable
Scott and Chris went to the BBC canteen and discovered the familiar seasonal problem.
Ordinary food had been given Halloween names simply by adding scary adjectives.
Devil’s cursed fish fingers.
Terrifying beef bolognese.
The meals themselves had not become frightening.
Someone had just renamed lunch.
Scott said Halloween was getting bigger every year without necessarily getting better.
Chris agreed the themed menu was particularly weak.
Emily’s live date was ready
After four days of Article 69, the show had finally chosen Jamie for Emily.
She knew him only as the dog guy from the shortlist.
Scott and Chris wanted the radio date to resemble a real one as far as possible.
Both should dress up.
Both would receive food.
Neither would see the other person’s photograph immediately.
They would speak first.
Halfway through the date, the show would send them pictures.
It was effectively Dating in the Dark by radio.
The pizzas arrived at different times
Emily’s pizza arrived.
The show checked in on the conversation.
Jamie then disappeared from the line.
At first, Scott assumed it was a temporary phone problem.
They tried reconnecting him.
Nothing.
The winner of the entire week’s boyfriend search had apparently vanished in the middle of the date.
Messages from listeners were brutal.
Some said Radio 1 had chosen the wrong man.
Others argued Emily deserved better.
Scott and Chris had no choice but to improvise.
Bring back Ollie
The production team called Ollie, Tuesday’s applicant and Wednesday’s runner-up.
He had not expected to be involved at all.
Now the show asked whether he would immediately step into a live date with Emily.
Ollie agreed.
He did not even have the pizza Jamie had received because Radio 1 had delivered the food to the original winner.
The replacement date began with almost no preparation.
Scott and Chris hoped the chaos might actually make it more natural.
The second date was better but still not right
Ollie and Emily discussed hobbies.
Emily played classical violin, fished, ran and had completed the London Marathon.
Ollie talked about travelling and his own interests.
They even discussed the possibility of going running together.
Then Scott and Chris made him tell a joke.
The conversation became awkward again.
After around ten minutes, Emily said Ollie seemed genuinely lovely but she did not think the romantic interest was there.
Ollie took it well.
Article 69 had produced two dates in one afternoon.
Neither became the Christmas relationship the show had promised.
Scott admitted they should perhaps stop returning to dating features when the success rate remained this poor.
Chris disagreed.
One day it would work.
Then they could have a show wedding.
Chris had somehow booked Joe Marler
The day’s genuine exclusive came through an unusually simple route.
Chris followed England rugby prop Joe Marler on social media.
Joe followed him back.
Chris sent a direct message asking whether he would come on the show ahead of the Rugby World Cup final.
Joe said yes.
The result was an unexpected live call from England’s camp in Japan only days before one of the biggest matches of his career.
Scott was delighted by how little formal booking machinery seemed to have been required.
Joe was buzzing and discombobulated
Joe described himself as buzzing and discombobulated ahead of the final.
When somebody appeared to help define the second word in the background, Scott and Chris became suspicious that Joe was not entirely alone.
Joe insisted he was in a room on his own.
The exchange immediately established the tone.
Joe had no interest in giving a stiff pre-match interview.
Listeners began asking for him to become a regular guest.
The travel pillow was actually for pregnancy
Chris had seen Joe travelling with an enormous U-shaped pillow and wanted Scott to understand it.
Joe corrected him.
It was not really a travel pillow.
It was a pregnancy pillow.
His wife had bought one while pregnant.
Joe tried it and discovered it was exceptionally comfortable.
He therefore bought his own.
He described the family bed arrangement as himself, pregnancy pillow, wife and family occupying their respective spaces with very little direct contact.
Scott loved the image of an England prop travelling internationally with maternity sleep equipment because it was simply more comfortable.
The Who Game returned to algebra and custard
Halloween also produced another Who Game.
The references included algebra, custard, using a phone box and Aqua’s “Barbie Girl”.
Scott and Chris particularly enjoyed younger listeners treating things they still remembered clearly as historical artefacts.
The feature remained a measure of cultural ageing disguised as a shouting game.
Billie Eilish was the podcast exclusive
The show ended with a major announcement which Scott and Chris realised they had forgotten to make properly during the broadcast.
Billie Eilish had been booked for Innuendo Bingo the following Wednesday.
The news therefore became a podcast exclusive.
Listeners were told to spread it.
October closed with Article 69 in ruins, Joe Marler an instant show favourite and one of the world’s biggest pop stars due to spit water at Chris Stark the following week.
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