Chris thought buying a goldfish would be easy
Scott’s experience with Teddy had made Chris want a small pet of his own.
A dog felt like too much.
A couple of goldfish sounded manageable.
So Chris went to a garden centre expecting to buy a tank, choose two fish and go home.
The person in the shop immediately asked what Chris planned to do with them.
Chris thought the answer was obvious.
Take them home.
Put them in a tank.
Let them swim around.
The employee had considerably more questions.
Goldfish were not the disposable pets Chris remembered
Chris had grown up with the old idea of goldfish as simple starter pets.
The shop explained that this was one reason they had historically been treated badly.
Properly cared for, goldfish can grow much larger than people expect and live for decades.
The little tank Chris had in mind was not suitable.
Chris changed strategy.
Fine.
He would get smaller tropical fish instead.
Problem solved.
Except it was not.
The water had to be prepared first
Chris bought the tank and the equipment.
Then he asked for the fish.
The answer was no.
The tank water needed to be treated and allowed to settle before the fish were introduced.
Chris would have to wait around a week.
The employee delivered the line which became the title:
“You will not be buying fish today, my friend.”
Scott loved the firmness of it.
Chris had gone shopping for a pet and returned with everything except the pet.
Listeners defended responsible fish care
Messages quickly arrived from people who had kept fish properly.
One listener had received a goldfish aged six and still had it at 26.
That helped prove the shop’s point.
Goldfish were not naturally six-month pets.
Poor setups simply gave many people that impression.
Scott compared it with the modern advice not to feed ducks bread.
Another innocent childhood activity had apparently been replaced by a much more responsible set of rules.
The Vegan Whisperer kept his reputation alive
Chris also returned to the Vegan Whisperer.
Listener Beth answered his strange series of questions about IKEA, pets, trees and what she had eaten.
Chris claimed he could hear “meat” in her voice.
Beth confirmed she had eaten chicken and admitted she had once waved a pig in blanket in front of a vegetarian friend until the friend ate it.
Scott could not hear whatever Chris claimed to be hearing.
The suspiciously strong success rate continued anyway.
The Who Game brought back MySpace top friends and recorders
Monday’s Who Game included reorganising your MySpace Top 8.
School recorders were condemned as essentially useless once pupils became adults.
Holly Valance, bowl haircuts, getting to the airport hours too early and old phrases all returned.
The game continued to prove that 2021 nostalgia did not need to reach very far into the past.
COMMENTS