Chris finally got Netflix in the bedroom
Chris opened the show with what he regarded as an important domestic breakthrough.
He had finally managed to get Netflix into the bedroom.
This solved a long-running problem caused by the television arrangements at home and meant programmes which previously required negotiation could now be watched in bed.
Scott treated the whole development with the show’s familiar “someone’s doing well” reaction.
Chris genuinely sounded delighted by something most listeners probably considered a fairly routine piece of modern life.
Scott’s phone stopped charging
Scott had a more immediate technological crisis.
His phone would no longer charge properly through the normal cable and the battery had already dropped to around 21%.
For somebody who replied to messages almost instantly and used his phone constantly for work, the possibility of becoming unreachable created genuine anxiety.
Scott was already imagining the time he would lose at a Genius Bar trying to solve it.
Listeners quickly suggested wireless charging.
Someone in the Radio 1 office found a wireless charger for him.
The battery problem was temporarily solved and Scott’s mood improved almost immediately.
Chris suggested the simpler long-term solution was simply to fill Scott’s house with wireless chargers and stop worrying about the damaged port.
Nightclub reviews were almost universally furious
Chris had been looking at nightclub reviews while organising Dugs’s stag do and noticed something striking.
Nobody seemed to go online at four in the morning to write:
“I had the best night of my life.”
The reviews were overwhelmingly negative.
Scott and Chris began reading favourites from venues around the country.
One 18-year-old complained that a nightclub refused an expired passport as proof of age and argued that it was being used to demonstrate a birthday rather than board a long-haul flight.
Another reviewer said they would “literally rather be in a prison” than return to the club.
Then came the line which gave the episode its title.
A customer told one venue:
“Your club is in bloody Watford, not Mayfair or Miami Beach. Get over yourselves.”
Scott and Chris immediately adopted “It’s not Mayfair mate” as the perfect response to an over-important nightclub.
“If you like feet and teenagers, you can have a good time”
Another reviewer said a venue “stinks of feet” and was full of barely legal boys and girls experiencing their first night out.
The review concluded that if somebody liked feet and teenagers, they could probably have a good time.
Scott agreed that seeing a nightclub during daylight hours could be shocking because the lighting normally disguised just how sticky, dusty and tired the room actually looked.
Other reviews complained about bouncers, drink prices, wet-dog smells and DJs who changed songs every few seconds.
One described a DJ as behaving like a toddler with ADHD who had been force-fed sherbet and blue Smarties, then complained that the *Fresh Prince of Bel-Air* theme had been abruptly cut off for dance music.
The reviews were becoming more entertaining than the clubs themselves.
Scott’s late-night DMs were exposed
The show also returned to messages people sent after a few drinks.
Scott admitted that Scarlett Moffatt had been among the people he had contacted late at night.
Chris enjoyed discovering that Scott, normally the more controlled of the pair on social media, was also capable of sending unnecessary messages once the evening had progressed.
Scott insisted there were not as many as Chris imagined.
The programme had spent the afternoon reading what people wrote after bad nightclub experiences.
Late-night DMs were simply the more personal version of the same problem.
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