Valentine’s Day brought back the fake boyfriend service
Scott and Chris revived a service first attempted the previous year: if somebody’s parents were constantly asking why they were still single, Chris would call pretending to be the impressive new boyfriend who would finally get the family off their back.
Before trying again, they replayed the previous year’s disaster. Helen had wanted her sister Amy to believe she had met somebody local, tall and practical. Chris called as “Hank”, a local mechanic and part-time nurse who claimed to be at the gym, rescuing injured cats and generally possessing every desirable characteristic at once.
Amy immediately found him suspicious. When he tried a second call, the story became even more elaborate, including a sudden Watford background, part-time acting and furniture whittling. Instead of becoming the dream prospective brother-in-law, Hank sounded like a man who had invented his entire life while on the phone.
Jess and Dom got married on Good Morning Britain
Scott and Chris had also watched former *Love Island* contestants Jessica Shears and Dominic Lever hold a wedding ceremony on *Good Morning Britain*. The ceremony took place in swimwear and included *Love Island* references in the vows, with Richard Arnold presiding over proceedings on television.
They replayed part of the ceremony, including a vow referring to “Muggy Mike”, and tried to work out exactly how Richard Arnold had ended up in the role. Scott pointed out that he had previously covered on *Good Morning Britain* and joked that, with slightly different scheduling, he could apparently have found himself marrying a *Love Island* couple on live television.
Amy’s mum was not impressed by Max Power OBE
The new customer was 18-year-old Amy in Scotland. Her mum Fiona kept suggesting dating sites and asking why she did not have a boyfriend, so Amy wanted a temporary fictional one.
Chris called as “Max Power OBE”. Almost immediately he mentioned an honours title, 14 A-levels and a scholarship for philanthropy, then claimed he was speaking from a building site where he was constructing a cat orphanage. He said he had taken Fiona’s number from Amy’s phone because he wanted help choosing the perfect Valentine’s present.
Fiona suggested diamonds, before moving to clothes, shoes and bags. Chris continued trying to make himself sound impossibly perfect, compared his style to Diana Vickers and told Fiona it would be an honour to become her son.
That was the point at which Fiona pushed back. A genuinely perfect person, she observed, probably would not spend so much time bragging about everything they had achieved. After the call, Amy reported that her mum had indeed called him a bragger and had not remotely bought the performance.
Scott concluded that the service had once again made the situation worse. Instead of Fiona believing Amy was happily dating somebody ideal, she now potentially believed her daughter was seeing an unbearable show-off.
Some people really do send Valentine’s flowers to themselves
Libby, whose mum owned a florist, had spent the day delivering Valentine’s orders and confirmed something Scott and Chris had wondered about: people do sometimes buy flowers for themselves and arrange to have them delivered as though they were a surprise.
One regular customer apparently did it repeatedly. The florist knew she had placed the order herself, but when the delivery arrived she still acted astonished at receiving flowers. Scott initially found the idea slightly strange, then decided there was something rather good about somebody deliberately giving themselves the boost they wanted from Valentine’s Day.
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