Back from Vietnam
Scott and Chris returned on the Bank Holiday Monday to cover the Radio 1 Breakfast Show for Nick Grimshaw. Scott’s photographs made Vietnam look so immaculate that Chris wondered whether he had simply taken them from a travel website, while Scott remained fascinated by an airport menu that listed a wet tissue among the side orders for 4,000 dong.
The trip had also left Scott with a large mark on his forehead. He insisted it was heat rash, but Chris treated the unexplained lump as a potential home for insects and predicted that something might eventually fly out of it.
Sammy plays Real or No Real
With the usual Radio 1 DJs unavailable at that hour, listener Sammy became the Breakfast Show’s Real or No Real guest. She correctly accepted that Snoop Dogg was a qualified American football coach and rejected a claim about paper appearing in Star Wars.
The stranger facts concerned a pigeon fancier and a man with an unusual distinction. Sammy finished with 30 points to Scott’s 20, giving the new week its first listener victory.
Scott wants a Hackstage Pass
Radio 1 had launched Hackstage Pass, an online game in which players chose a presenter and tried to guide them backstage at the Big Weekend. Scott discovered that he was trailing the other available DJs and asked everybody to select him as their character.
Chris suspected that Scott’s sudden enthusiasm had less to do with the game than his need to beat Nick Grimshaw, Fearne Cotton, Greg James and Annie Mac. Scott nevertheless treated every extra player as evidence that his virtual popularity could still be repaired.
The pork endorsement
Chris had noticed Sylvester Stallone advertising bread and decided Scott needed a similarly ordinary product to keep his name visible during holidays. Scott’s Strictly Come Dancing crab supplied a possible seafood connection, but Chris wanted to move him from the sea towards meat and make him the face of pulled pork.
Posing as Scott’s representative, Chris called a butcher and promised that Scott could do for pork what celebrities had done for yoghurt. He offered Scott’s “tanned moon face” for the packaging and suggested an appearance in which he could pull pork live in the shop.
The woman repeatedly explained that she was busy on a Bank Holiday and that marketing would have to consider the proposal. She also admitted that Scott’s name did not blow her away. Chris converted her reluctance into a supposed yes and promised to continue the negotiations, while Scott remained deeply unconvinced by his new career in meat.
—
COMMENTS