Eurovision season had begun in Scott’s head
It was only 10 February, but for Scott the Eurovision Song Contest was already fast approaching.
He compared the build-up to Christmas and described Eurovision as his World Cup.
National selections were under way across Europe, and Moldova had caught his attention.
One prospective act was reading lyrics from a phone while performing, while another eccentric audition convinced Scott that the Moldovan selection process was exactly the sort of television he wanted to consume for months.
Chris tried to buy Valentine’s flowers
With Valentine’s Day approaching, Scott decided Chris should order something nice for his wife.
There was a problem.
Scott had prepared the list of flowers.
Some names were genuine.
Others had been invented during Scott’s journey to work.
Chris called Margaret Mason Florist and asked for help building a bespoke bouquet.
The list included Mother-in-Law’s Tongue, which was real but not suitable for a bouquet, and Pussy Willow, which the florist recognised immediately.
Then Chris asked for Bushy Haven.
That one did not exist.
“Do you have the Sticky Willy?”
The moment Scott had been waiting for arrived when Chris asked whether the shop stocked Sticky Willy.
The florist knew exactly what he meant.
Sticky Willy is a genuine wild plant.
Chris could barely believe Scott had managed to put a completely authentic plant name into the prank which sounded more fabricated than the fake ones.
Listeners later pointed out that ordinary knotweed was real too, although Scott’s more elaborate Australian knobweed was not.
The florist remained patient throughout and eventually guided Chris back toward the safer world of roses and lilies.
Funny Business returned from the archive
The show promoted its Friday archive podcast by replaying Funny Business, the old feature where Scott and Chris phoned companies with amusing names and tried not to laugh.
One call reached the Funny Farm guest house, whose owner Miranda answered while dealing with a parcel and music in the background.
Another reached Broken Wind, a woodwind-instrument repair business.
The man on the phone calmly explained that he repaired clarinets, flutes, bassoons and saxophones while Scott and Chris attempted to stay professional around the phrase “broken wind”.
The Apprentice became Real or No Real
The quiz looked back at genuine and invented *Apprentice* tasks.
The infamous toothbrush Whiffy the Wizard, widely compared to a turd, really had happened.
A supposed challenge producing shepherd’s-pie, carrot and ramen ice creams had not.
Scott also remembered Tom Holland’s appearance on Greg James’s breakfast show that morning and emerged from it unexpectedly obsessed with Holland’s stories.
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