The final Who-Vent door before Christmas reopened Eurovision nonsense
The 23rd door of the Who-Vent Calendar produced another gloriously forgotten clip involving a supposed Eurovision submission.
The old audio was chaotic, repetitive and exactly the sort of thing the programme’s nostalgia features were designed to preserve.
Christmas Day would contain the final Who-Vent entry.
For Scott and Chris, this was the last weekday door.
Lynette’s goodbye was already becoming a classic
Listeners immediately asked to hear the previous day’s Granny Tinder farewell again.
The endless chain of:
Merry Christmas.
No, you hang up.
Merry Christmas.
had already become one of the show’s favourite seasonal clips.
Scott replayed it and pointed out the edit had actually shortened the real conversation.
The full call had gone on even longer.
Present time finally arrived
Scott and Chris had spent days teasing their annual gift exchange.
Chris’s present for Scott was wrapped.
Scott’s present for Chris was not.
Producer Amy was also waiting for a present from Scott, only for it to emerge that Scott had incorrectly assumed she would be working with him the following day and had not actually brought it in.
Chris had already been trying to solve the problem during the show by arranging something on Scott’s behalf.
The confession was made live because saying it on air was somehow less awkward than admitting it privately.
Chris gave Scott a body trimmer
Scott opened Chris’s gift.
It was a waterproof men’s body-grooming trimmer.
The reason was fairly obvious to regular listeners.
Scott had recently been discussing the relevant body area far more often than most people do on national radio.
Chris framed the present as a way for Scott to look after the parts which had repeatedly featured in conversation.
Scott immediately tested the trimmer on his arm because he was not entirely confident he understood the correct technique.
Chris became anxious enough to start looking for an instructional video.
Scott gave Chris and his fiancée a massage gun
Then Chris had to close his eyes.
Scott described his present as something for both Chris and his fiancée:
the gift of pleasure.
The phrasing deliberately made the reveal sound much stranger than it was.
Scott switched on a massage gun and pressed it against Chris.
Chris’s reaction was immediate.
The tension disappeared.
He wanted to know how high the settings went.
There were several attachments.
Speed ten felt excellent.
The gift was a complete success.
The two presenters spent the next part of the show with their new battery-powered devices buzzing away.
24 Years at the Tap End went back to Christmas in Watford
The final pre-Christmas show also replayed a classic edition of 24 Years at the Tap End, Chris’s autobiographical archive feature.
The story went back to being 17 around Christmas in Watford.
Chris and friends were playing a football video game.
Arguments over quitting games early were treated like genuine betrayals.
The night then moved into the awkward excitement of teenage parties.
A girl named Gladys became the romantic focus.
Chris remembered dancing with her and being far more confident than he had been during earlier school dances.
The story closed with the line that there really was no party like an S Club party.
Years later, Scott and Chris were still wondering whether Tap End deserved a full podcast revival.
The last Bangers of the year chose Baby Cakes
Caller Natalie joined the final Bangers.
Scott offered a festive choice.
Chris offered Baby Cakes by 3 of a Kind after it had been mentioned in Tap End.
Natalie chose Baby Cakes.
Scott jokingly announced that Christmas had been ruined.
Then admitted the song was excellent.
The final quiz was completely festive
Racehorse or Racing Novel returned with names including Snowed In, 12 Days of Passion and Snowflake Seduction.
The Live Lounges That Time Forgot round used Christmas covers.
Clean Bandit covering Mariah Carey.
Slaves covering *Last Christmas*.
Olly Murs doing *I Wish It Could Be Christmas Everyday*.
Scott narrowly won the final quiz.
Then the programme signed off for Christmas with the archive full of exactly the sort of nonsense it had accumulated all year.
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