Scott had been at the Who Cares Wins awards
Scott had attended The Sun’s Who Cares Wins awards, celebrating people working across health and care.
The guest list was substantial.
Prince William.
David Beckham.
Boris Johnson.
Piers Morgan.
Scott’s boyfriend Sam was particularly star-struck by the number of famous people in one room.
Scott, however, became fascinated by somebody who appeared much less famous.
A quiet man at the table became a secret agent in Scott’s head
One man near Scott spent much of the evening sitting quietly and looking at his phone.
Scott immediately invented a full biography.
Perhaps he was Prince William’s close-protection officer.
Maybe he was monitoring the room.
Maybe the phone contained security information.
Sam eventually did the sensible thing and looked him up on LinkedIn.
The man simply worked for the NHS.
Scott’s entire espionage narrative had been imaginary.
The show asked listeners whether they also invent complete life stories for strangers they see in public.
Cabin crew and people-watching listeners admitted they did it constantly.
Shawn Mendes committed the V-neck offence
Then Scott noticed Shawn Mendes wearing a V-neck top in the Live Lounge.
Scott has very specific clothing dislikes.
The V-neck was one of them.
He compared it with kitten heels: a style which somehow felt permanently wrong to him.
Shawn Mendes, Scott conceded, came closer than most men to getting away with it.
That did not change the general ruling.
No to the V.
Freshers added more survival lessons
The university guide continued.
Do not leave towels, toothbrushes or shampoo unattended in a communal bathroom if you care about keeping them.
Do not put tins or other metal into the microwave.
One listener remembered carrying a mattress to somebody else’s room and later having to retrieve it after the romantic situation went awkward.
Another ate meals from sheets of A4 paper to avoid washing plates.
Scott admitted he had occasionally used paper as emergency tableware on trains.
The advice ranged from genuinely useful to evidence of exactly why first-year students need advice.
Bamboleo Wednesday survived another week
Whatever else happened, Wednesday still meant Bamboleo.
The Gipsy Kings returned with shout-outs and callbacks, offering the programme its familiar few minutes where nothing needed to make much sense.
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