Scott thought popcorn might still be in his nose
Scott had tried to see *Parasite* after its success at the Oscars, only for the cinema screening to be cancelled because bad weather had caused a power cut.
He went home, watched something else and made his own popcorn instead.
Then he coughed.
A piece of popcorn came out of his nose.
Scott’s boyfriend told him this was not especially unusual.
Scott was much less relaxed.
By Monday he had convinced himself another piece might still be lodged somewhere inside.
Listeners responded with their own food-through-the-nose stories and reassured him that spaghetti, lettuce and other unlikely items had made similar journeys without becoming medical emergencies.
Scott and Chris tested whether they should stay together
The previous week’s argument over which presenter was better looking had sounded enough like a relationship disagreement for listener Claire from Portrush to send them a couples compatibility test.
Scott and Chris treated it as a genuine threat to the show.
They agreed that if the score fell below 50 per cent, perhaps they should begin planning a professional separation.
Questions covered ordinary couple territory including restaurants, cooking, massages and how each person would react in awkward situations.
The result:
59 per cent compatible.
Scott called that enough.
The programme could continue.
Chris did not sound completely convinced 59 per cent was something to celebrate.
Anne-Marie was too happy
Then Anne-Marie returned.
The automatic transcript repeatedly replaces her name with unrelated artists, but the source title and conversation make her identity clear.
Scott described Anne-Marie as somebody who appeared happy almost all the time.
That created the challenge.
Could Radio 1 make her produce one genuine tear?
Anne-Marie agreed to try.
Titanic failed
Scott began with the famously emotional ending of *Titanic*.
Anne-Marie did not cry.
Instead, she became distracted by the practical question which has followed the film for years.
Was there enough room on the floating door for Jack?
Scott needed sadness.
Anne-Marie was analysing furniture dimensions.
The Lion King failed too
Next came one of *The Lion King’s* saddest moments.
Again, Anne-Marie did not give Scott the tear he wanted.
She laughed.
The programme had chosen some of cinema’s most reliable emotional material and somehow turned the whole thing into comedy.
Scott became increasingly desperate.
Even an onion could not save it
The team eventually produced an onion.
If emotional manipulation did not work, perhaps basic chemistry would.
Even that failed to create the triumphant tear the programme had imagined.
Listeners sent further suggestions afterwards, including James Blunt’s “Monsters” and other reliably emotional films.
Scott declared Anne-Marie a heart of stone only as a joke.
The real conclusion was simpler.
She laughed too easily for Radio 1’s sadness laboratory to work.
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