Chris did not want to discuss Watford
The weekend had been brutal for Chris.
Manchester City beat Watford 8–0.
Scott attempted to offer support while also replaying enough of the goals to make the gesture feel questionable.
Chris had already received Scott’s text asking whether the result was “not good”.
He had chosen not to reply.
Scott defended himself.
He was still learning football banter and genuinely wanted to know how bad the situation was.
Chris thought eight goals supplied enough information.
He wanted to move on.
Radio 1 had been booked for a toga party
Scott and Chris were due to DJ at a Bath University freshers toga party on Saturday.
Normally, when they arrived at a themed student event, they ignored the dress code and simply wore whatever they would wear to any other gig.
The students were not accepting that this time.
Messages insisted they needed proper togas.
Scott did not want to spend a DJ set wrapped in a bedsheet.
Chris was more willing to consider it.
The issue would escalate on Tuesday when the programme called a Roman clothing expert.
A new Fresher of the Week arrived
The programme had finished following Lauren.
Now it adopted Macy, 19, from Cambridge, studying fashion marketing in Leeds.
She had moved into halls on Saturday and already liked her flatmates.
There had been one small identity problem.
The group thought one of the new flatmates was called Jamie.
They called him Jamie for around three hours.
He did not correct them.
Eventually he revealed that was not actually his name.
Scott immediately recognised the social problem.
Once somebody lets the wrong name survive the first few minutes, correcting it becomes harder with every passing hour.
Macy’s first week already had material.
The banana experiment had another subject
The show also returned to a listener who had already failed a driving test four times.
After hearing Radio 1’s new theory, she had managed to move her next test forward to the coming Saturday.
She intended to eat a banana first.
Scott and Chris were now dangerously confident.
Every listener who had tried the method for the show seemed to be passing.
They reminded everybody that they were not doctors and that eating excessive numbers of bananas in preparation was not the point.
One was enough.
The test would take place in Shrewsbury at 12:38pm.
The result would eventually arrive on 30 September.
Ask Me Anything met Heidi Agan
The mystery caller introduced herself as Heidi Agan, a professional Kate Middleton lookalike.
Heidi had been doing the job full time for around eight years, dating back to the period around William and Kate’s wedding.
Before that, she worked as a waitress.
Customers repeatedly told her she looked like Kate and asked to be served by her.
Eventually she decided to see whether the resemblance could become a career.
It did.
The fake royals travelled together
Heidi’s work had taken her around the world.
One particularly unusual job involved flying first class to Australia to film an advert aimed at China for Jersey milk.
She did not always travel alone.
The lookalike industry contained enough royal doubles to build an entire alternative family.
A fake William.
A fake Queen.
Harry and Meghan lookalikes.
Children.
Even a dog where the booking required one.
Heidi described the faux Queen almost like a grandmother figure because the performers had worked together so often.
Scott loved the idea of an entire royal family boarding the same Tube carriage or aircraft and watching other passengers try to understand what they were seeing.
Her real husband did not get the glamorous trips
One of the funniest consequences was that Heidi had travelled around the world with the fake William far more than with her actual husband.
The lookalike work created photographs and journeys which, without context, could make the fictional marriage appear much more active than the real one.
Heidi and the other royal doubles had still not necessarily met the actual people they portrayed.
Scott considered that almost unfair.
She had spent years being Kate Middleton professionally without having a proper Kate Middleton meeting.
The royal baby could be a doll
Bookings sometimes required the whole royal image, including children or babies.
A realistic doll could therefore become part of the setup.
The more Heidi explained, the more Scott realised professional lookalike work was not simply standing beside tourists for photographs.
It was commercial production, travel and performance built around sustaining an illusion for just long enough to make the picture work.
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