The Oscars looked slightly too romantic
Monday began with the Oscars and the intense reaction to Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper performing together.
Scott and Chris watched the close eye contact and emotional staging and joked that the pair’s acting appeared almost too convincing.
The show also replayed an E! red-carpet moment in which Giuliana Rancic spent an extraordinary amount of time telling Bradley Cooper how deeply *A Star Is Born* had affected her marriage before properly reaching a question.
Bradley’s patient expression became almost as entertaining as the interview itself.
Mary had another unnamed animal
The show’s Valentine’s snake feature had proved popular enough for listeners to start offering other animals.
Mary had a large cockerel which still needed a name.
Scott and Chris decided the same principle could apply.
Who in a listener’s life deserved to have a giant cock named after them?
The wording immediately caused problems.
Nominations included exes, colleagues and people who had behaved badly in relationships.
One caller nominated a man who had propositioned his fiancée’s sister.
Another listener wanted to name the bird after a partner who had prioritised FIFA over her when she was hungover.
The cockerel already had four hens around him, which led Scott and Chris into a separate discussion about why behaviour considered cheating in humans was treated as completely normal in the animal kingdom.
Ask Me Anything found the Snail Master
Then the show met Neil from Norfolk.
His title sounded invented.
He was a snail master.
Neil helped organise and breed snails for the World Snail Racing Championships.
Scott and Chris immediately had questions.
How far did a snail race?
How long did it take?
Did the animals train?
Were there favourites?
The race used concentric circles.
Snails began at the inner circle and had to travel around 13 inches to the outside.
The first one to cross won.
Norfolk terminology taught Chris something new
The conversation also introduced Chris to the phrase NFN, used jokingly around unusual Norfolk stories.
The show treated it as another piece of regional vocabulary Chris had somehow missed.
Neil’s job was exactly the kind of thing Ask Me Anything existed for.
A listener could hear one sentence, “I organise the World Snail Racing Championships”, and immediately have 20 questions.
Scott expected Neil to become one of those callers people talked about later in the pub.
Instagram still had a fake-real divide
The show also returned to the idea of people maintaining separate Instagram accounts.
One was glossy and curated.
The other contained the messier version of ordinary life.
Scott and Chris thought the contrast between perfect celebrity Oscar imagery and private social-media chaos was especially appropriate that day.
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