Chris silences the coffee shop again
Chris returned to a crowded coffee shop under a false name, worried that repeated public shouting might eventually place him on Crimewatch. The previous experiment had required him to announce that he was an adult baby, but Scott promised not to use that line again.
Instead, they adapted a favourite Innuendo Bingo clip from an old Joan Collins soap. Scott delivered the set-up about failing to bring champagne, and Chris had to reply at full volume: “Not to worry, I’ll just pour it over my kumquats for dessert.”
The sentence silenced the room instantly. Chris continued shouting as he marched towards the exit, spreading the sound across the shop before running outside. He returned to the studio cringing at the replay and announced that he no longer wanted to perform the feature because he feared ending up on a television appeal.
Koop Arponen won Finnish Pop Idol
Koop Arponen, who had delivered a CD to Radio 1 earlier in the week, appeared as the show introducer. He was a British construction worker on a contract in Finland when he saw an advertisement for Idols and entered after encouragement from friends.
Before the competition, Koop visited a bookmaker in London and placed £20 on himself at odds of 250–1 to reach the final stages. A few months later, he won the 2008 series. The experience made him well known in Finland, although writing and singing in English limited his market there.
After about 18 months, Koop left his label and formed Flute of Shame with two former busking friends who moved to Finland. He had appeared on the country’s celebrity Come Dine with Me and played an exclusive event in Russia where Vladimir Putin was also present, although Koop did not meet him.
The programme played “Man in a Van” from the CD. Koop warned it was an old kitchen recording which the band intended to remake, but Scott and Chris enjoyed its direct portrait of work, family and tea. The interview explained why the earlier text from a stranger in a pub had been entirely genuine.
Can Scott lie?
Scott received three invented statements in the final round of the week’s lying game. He first claimed to be Tinie Tempah’s uncle, but could not explain why their surnames differed, gave vague answers about the rapper’s childhood and turned visibly red.
The next claim placed Scott in Heat magazine’s Torso of the Week. He invented a central London photo shoot, shaded abdominal muscles, underwear and a photographer named Ray, but Beccy argued there would be no demand for the feature.
His last story was the recurring claim that he had slept with Kesha, this time in a castle. By then nobody treated it seriously. All three stories were false, and Scott complained that the writing team had given him nothing remotely believable.
Real or No Real
Northampton and Southampton had not once stood beside each other before moving apart because one town had an affair with the other’s wife. The creator of the Pringles can really did have some of his ashes placed in one after his death.
Some turtles could breathe through their bottoms. Sweet chilli sauce did not cure acne when applied to the skin, and sloths did not usually die by mistaking their own arms for branches and falling from trees. The last claim also revealed that Chris did not know what a sloth was until he was shown a picture.
Scott and Chris ended level after combining the scores with the earlier lying round.
An answer song for Taylor Swift
After repeatedly playing Taylor Swift’s “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together”, Scott wondered what would happen if the couple reconciled. Chris proposed an answer record from the ex-boyfriend’s perspective called “Actually, We Are Getting Back Together”.
The lyrics would become increasingly insistent, perhaps revealing that the man possessed embarrassing material with which to force the reunion. Scott imagined Chris appearing unannounced immediately after Swift performed at the Teen Awards, delivering the patronising final word “sweetheart”.
They acknowledged that Taylor Swift had previously experienced an unwelcome surprise during an awards speech, but this did not prevent them developing the idea into an intentionally ill-advised blackmail song.
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