A Top 10 record that nobody recognises
Jason Derulo and Snoop Dogg’s “Wiggle” had reached the Top 10 without becoming part of Radio 1’s regular playlist. Chris knew the line “What you gonna do with that big fat butt?” because his girlfriend’s parents had begun quoting it to one another, but Scott doubted that enough people would recognise it away from the record.
Producer Amy was sent onto Great Portland Street for the return of Stupid Streets. Her task was to ask strangers what they did with “that big fat butt”, without explaining the musical reference. The first answers included exercising it away, putting it in jeans, twerking, choosing the right underwear and squeezing it. Some people assumed Amy was insulting them; others believed she was complimenting them and became unexpectedly flirtatious.
Only the final group recognised that the correct answer was “wiggle, wiggle, wiggle”. Amy returned relieved that the assignment was over, while Scott accepted that the song’s chart position had not made its central question safe to ask in public.
J-Lo closes Scott’s route to Brazil
Jennifer Lopez had reversed her decision and would now appear with Pitbull at the World Cup opening ceremony. Scott claimed that news of his “Get Five Sauce and Mills to Brazil” campaign must have frightened her back into the production. In practical terms, the vacancy had disappeared and the Radio 1 song would have to wait another four years.
The discussion turned to Pitbull’s fan base. Everyone knew his records, but Scott and Chris could not imagine anybody renaming a social-media account after him in the style of One Direction or 5 Seconds of Summer fans. Suggested collective names included the Pits, the Wild Ones and the 305s, without a committed Pitbull superfan emerging to settle it.
Baroness Rawlings helps the ordinary household
Baroness Rawlings had supplied Tatler with money-saving advice which Scott read with help from the Posh Radio 4 Lady. Her economical summer-party alternative to a marquee was to buy 200 Panama hats, personalise them and give them to guests. Leftover crusts from Melba toast could become soldiers for boiled eggs, while self-service meals prevented “luscious lobster” being scraped into the bin.
Further savings came from buying £16–£25 socks from the Pope’s tailor because good products lasted longer. Guests could each receive an £8.50 bar of Lebanese soap from the Prince of Wales’s Highgrove shop, after which the host could reclaim the used bars and put them in cupboards to deter moths. The tips demonstrated thrift on a scale almost completely detached from the listeners they were meant to help.
Radio 1 Rocks requires the brace position
Radio 1’s rock week brought Architects to daytime radio. Scott warned Mark Chapman and the audience that the sudden volume could feel like a football manager’s “hairdryer treatment” and gave Chappers aircraft-style instructions: lean forward, cover the face, move the feet under the seat and brace.
The record was far heavier than Radio 1’s usual afternoon sound. Metal fans were thrilled to hear it, while Scott said he felt oddly cleansed once it finished. The exercise also prepared him for a later game in which he and Chris tried to predict the exact second that apparently calm rock tracks would erupt.
Alice Levine’s beautiful swear box
Alice Levine again became “Barbara Windsor” for Real or No Real. Professor Brian Cox did not have to put a pound in an office box every time he described the universe as “beautiful”, although a montage showed why colleagues might consider it. Patsy Palmer and Nick Hewer were not neighbours arguing over conifers, a claim that instead exposed Alice’s own dispute with a neighbour over an overgrown bush.
Google’s Street View car really had photographed Glasgow city centre on the first day of Radio 1’s Big Weekend. The festival crowds, road closures and overflowing bins would therefore be preserved whenever the new images reached the service. Alice scored 20 to Scott’s 30 and complained that the game had no independent adjudicator.
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