A fist, a lemon and a pineapple
Ella Henderson arrived with “Ghost” heading towards number one. She was proud of the comeback after time spent writing, but had not planned an extravagant celebration. Jumping into a pond in Watford was a possibility, while an old promise to dress as a pineapple remained difficult because she had never found the costume. Her other interests included mermaids and an unusual reaction to eating a lemon, which caused one eye to wander.
Her most immediate party trick was fitting her whole fist into her mouth. Ella removed a ring, ignored warnings not to try it at home and demonstrated the skill on the studio webcam. She suggested that an unusually large mouth might also explain her singing voice and, more importantly, how much water she could hold for Innuendo Bingo.
One girl, two cups
Scott introduced the game as “one girl, two cups”. Ella’s first huge spray confirmed that Chris was in trouble. The clips included Phil Spencer having “a water” to reveal, the Hairy Bikers knocking up a tart, an architect’s “glory hole”, Cliff Richard wanting to wake up “inside” Elvis, British Airways needing to “pull off Chengdu”, a broken back door opened with a spoon, The Cube and Ex on the Beach.
Ella repeatedly filled two cups, while Chris lived in fear of the next tidal wave. Scott extended the game because her reaction was so reliable, eventually reducing both players to laughter during an Evan Davis Radio 4 introduction. Ella was invited to return with a real lemon, shorter nails and a pineapple outfit. Chris needed to shake water from his hair like a dog.
The World Cup relationship helpline
With the tournament beginning, listeners described partners disappearing into a month of football. Saffron lived in Portsmouth while her boyfriend Adam studied at Loughborough, so their limited time together was already valuable. He spent much of it playing Football Manager, talking about football or watching it, and a proposed July holiday had quietly slipped away.
Scott and Chris placed Saffron on hold to discuss a compromise, then accidentally allowed her to hear them debating whether she sounded like a moaning girlfriend. They recovered by contacting Adam after his final exam and negotiating pizza and ice cream for Saffron while he watched England with friends. Adam was made to repeat a formal promise to send food to his “home-alone girlfriend”.
Other couples had agreed to watch Spain v Netherlands only if the Red Button carried Scott and Chris’s commentary. The show accepted its role as a relationship compromise and considered taking calls from viewers during the match.
Spain and Netherlands choose their presenters
Scott and Chris decided that each needed a team to support. Although normal commentators were expected to remain impartial, partisanship would force them to learn about the players. A coin toss gave Chris Spain and Scott the Netherlands. Chris found a Spanish shirt, while Scott planned to embrace orange clothing and his experience of Amsterdam and Rotterdam.
Dev then played a World Cup edition of Real or No Real. Pauline Bennett, a current Big Brother contestant, really had rapped as Jazzie P on Kylie Minogue’s “Shocked”. A poll really had found that 40% of men would turn down intimacy to watch football. Sarah-Jane Crawford had been appointed to The Xtra Factor, but had not signed her contract in red lipstick. Scott and Dev finished level before the last preparations for the commentary.
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