Scott no longer knows what day it is
Scott was back from Los Angeles after a trip so compressed that his body clock had effectively given up. He had travelled via Boston, crossed time zones, co-hosted a seven-hour One Direction event and returned almost immediately. Chris realised Scott was confused enough to be told almost anything, including invented stories about money he supposedly owed.
Scott sometimes closed his eyes simply to concentrate on the programme. The fatigue was real, but so was the amount of 1D Day material he had brought home.
Seven hours of live One Direction
1D Day was a deliberately sprawling internet broadcast, but Scott was struck by just how little of it felt rehearsed. There were technical hitches, the boys did not have normal earpieces and at moments Scott’s only option was essentially to admit that they would have to make do.
At one point a producer counted him in with barely any briefing. Scott walked on carrying a large stick intended for a map-based segment, only for that idea to disappear. He was then left on camera holding a stick that no longer had a purpose.
The event moved between global fans, challenges and guests. Fans in a red British phone box were meant to listen to Midnight Memories, but Scott managed to ask what they were listening to before the track had even begun. There were Guinness World Record attempts involving bursting balloons by sitting on them and stacking toilet rolls, while controlling five One Direction members over seven live hours proved an entirely separate challenge.
Jerry Springer, Piers Morgan and Simon Cowell appeared, Liam Payne wrestled Kurt Angle and Simon attempted a conversation with a dog that provided very little back. Scott compared the organisational chaos with some of his more unpredictable international television work. It was exhausting, occasionally baffling and unmistakably live.
Pig Beach reaches a pop video
Chris’s Pig Beach campaign had received an unexpected boost. The location appeared in Pitbull and Kesha’s video, giving the show another reason to argue that its Bahamas obsession was entering the mainstream.
A listener who worked around yachts added a less idyllic detail: the pigs could be aggressive around food, and one had even been seen eating a sausage. Chris still wanted a Radio 1 Pig Weekend. Management still showed no obvious sign of booking the flights.
The Coca-Cola Christmas misunderstanding
Joe McElderry had recorded a version of the music associated with Coca-Cola’s “Holidays Are Coming” Christmas adverts. Scott and Chris initially thought he had simply taken the famous advertising jingle and bolted new verses onto it, which they found extremely funny.
Then they learned the song already existed in fuller form elsewhere, including a German release. The ridicule abruptly became an apology as they realised Joe had not invented the expansion at all.
Real or No Real through the jet lag
Dan and Phil joined Real or No Real while Scott tried to stay oriented. An Austrian army accidentally attacking itself was real, while a Peruvian television-portrait claim was not. A Norwegian king penguin at Edinburgh Zoo having a military honour was also real.
Chris managed 30 points, but the more impressive performance belonged to Scott simply remaining awake after Los Angeles. He still had enough energy to announce that Olly Murs would face Innuendo Bingo the following day.
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