Did Angelina Jolie eat a kebab in a minefield?
Show introducer Amy said that while working in a Manchester kebab shop, her boss unexpectedly ordered her to prepare around 100 identical kebabs. She put salad on every one, loaded them into his van and travelled with him to an otherwise empty field containing a single table. About 100 children then arrived, followed by a helicopter carrying Angelina Jolie.
Amy understood that the field had once been mined and was now connected to landmine training. Jolie was visiting for her charity work, while the children had been brought to meet her. Amy’s role was simply to hand out the food, so nobody explained why kebabs had been selected for the occasion or why the Hollywood star had flown in for them.
The only complaint concerned the salad. Jolie’s assistant approached Amy, demanded to know why it had been included and removed it from the actor’s kebab. There was no chilli sauce. Once everybody had eaten, Jolie returned to her helicopter, the children went home and Amy packed away the table. Her friends had never believed the story and Scott initially struggled to make sense of it, particularly the image of a celebrity inviting children into a minefield for lunch.
The programme later located a Manchester Evening News report from 21 October 2002. It confirmed that Jolie had flown by helicopter to a demining training centre at Lostock Gralam in Cheshire, where she met local primary-school children and learned how specialists used metal detectors to make land safe. The report did not mention kebabs, salad or Amy, but verified the central circumstances of her extraordinary story.
Adele has her makeup applied in her sleep
Scott wanted to believe a story repeated by Nick Grimshaw and Jessie Ware: Adele disliked early starts so much that she gave her makeup artist a key and allowed them to begin work while she remained asleep. The team questioned whether anybody could sleep through a full application but remembered actors dozing in chairs during hours of prosthetic work.
A listener added that Katy Perry had used a special reclining chair on tour so she could sleep while her makeup was applied. Scott wondered whether he could adopt a cheaper version, perhaps asking Chris to enter his home, brush his teeth and spray him with aftershave before he woke. Chris reminded him that he had already shaved Scott once and had no wish to repeat the arrangement while Scott was unconscious.
Loving the Trolls
Scott introduced a way of neutralising cruel comments from social media, email and the studio text line. He typed the insults into a computer voice called Lawrence, whose gentle, artificial delivery removed their aggression. Statements wishing illness on him or calling him rubbish, a melt and the worst presenter on Radio 1 became entertaining rather than upsetting when Lawrence read them.
The same treatment was applied to attacks on Danny Howard, demands to bring back Edith Bowman, a claim that Scott resembled Ellen DeGeneres and a message comparing him with the Milkybar Kid. Scott advised anybody receiving abuse online to imagine that every troll spoke in Lawrence’s voice throughout everyday life.
Matt Edmondson plays Innuendo Bingo
Matt Edmondson faced Chris in a particularly messy Innuendo Bingo. Louis Mariette’s Trucks and Trailers warned that an unexpected bush in the face could be an occupational hazard, while actor Stephen Tompkinson told Lorraine Kelly too much. Phil Spencer had handled two different semis on opposite sides of Manchester and insisted that everything was finally coming together.
Tiger Woods rammed a three-footer into the middle of the hole, Tame Impala discussed everybody having their fingers in things and Doctors reported graffiti at somebody’s rear entrance. A Fifty Shades-style novel, a Radio 2 story about teeth striking a huge steel knob inside a pie and a visit to a shop which became too exciting supplied the closing sprays. The game ended with the studio soaked and the phrase about the unexpected bush still being replayed.
Dear Scott
The PR4L began with a detailed correction about Darcey Bussell’s career as a Royal Ballet principal dancer. Scott accepted that she was important but remained more interested in her appearance in The Vicar of Dibley and her habit of saying “yeah”.
A listener wondered whether the Dolly Rockers had become major stars in France by singing English words in Essex accents. Another, tattoo artist Lex, sent a portrait of Psy which had been inked onto a customer for free. The team admired the skill but questioned the wisdom of permanently commemorating a performer they suspected might have only one major hit.
The final email came from a petrol-station worker trying not to laugh while serving “Granny Tinder” after hearing one of Chris’s jokes. Tired and hungry, he then accidentally instructed another customer to insert their bank card into their bottom rather than the bottom of the reader. It became the team’s favourite message of the week.
Real or No Real with Huw Stephens
Huw Stephens joined Scott for the factual game. Facebook was not the only website visible from space, because no website could be seen from space. The popularity of Destiny’s Child genuinely led to “bootylicious” being added to the Oxford dictionary.
People really were more likely to return a lost wallet if it contained a baby photograph. Usain Bolt could not run faster backwards than forwards, although the idea inspired plans for a backwards athletics competition. Mila Kunis did not own the world’s largest violin. Huw won with 50 points to Scott’s 40.
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