When should a band play its biggest hit?
Two listeners were going to see The Temper Trap and wondered when the band would play “Sweet Disposition”. Scott compared the dilemma with seeing an act chiefly associated with one song. He had watched Chesney Hawkes delay “The One and Only” until the end of a student appearance and felt no desire to hear two hours of new material first.
The same applied when he shared a bill with The Cheeky Girls: the audience wanted “Touch My Bum”, perhaps followed by their Christmas song, rather than an extended showcase for a new album. The Fray faced a similar problem because many concertgoers were waiting for “How to Save a Life”. A listener later reported that Chesney had solved the issue at another student gig by performing “The One and Only” five times. Sara Cox added that she once DJed after him and saw his band carrying a Thermos flask and matching cups in a small suitcase.
Gemma Cairney plays Innuendo Bingo
Gemma Cairney arrived extremely excited for another game, describing herself as addicted to it. Chris had invited her before Scott separately booked Rhianna Dhillon, but Rhianna’s film screening resolved the double booking. Gemma proposed playing with strawberry milkshake in future, although simply arranging water and working cameras had already proved difficult.
Football commentary opened with Robin van Persie pulling off the centre-back. Nick Grimshaw discussed his sore ribs, thighs and bottom after starting the breakfast show, while a BBC local radio gardener looked down her nose at anybody who did not trim their bush. Gemma’s habit of staring directly at Chris before spraying made her particularly effective.
Watchdog described something as a right mouthful for little old ladies. A Radio 4 play asked whether somebody was going to kiss a ring and warned that it would not kiss itself, then followed with a character who had treated himself to a man bath. The Great British Bake Off threatened to smash down a gingerbread house and blow its doors in.
Local radio returned to boning out a bird and admiring its duck niche. Grimmy described giving himself a full facial, football commentary announced that somebody had got his back up and an X Factor contestant told Greg James she thought she was “a goner”. The closing bowls drama involved firing wood through a perfect little cluster. Gemma finished soaked, red-faced and still spraying water several metres towards the programme’s photographer.
A late-night lift with Carl Barât
Scott had DJed in Aberdeen and travelled back to his hotel at two in the morning in the rear of a Vauxhall with Carl Barât from The Libertines. They had appeared at different events for the same promoter, who offered to collect Carl on the way.
The encounter was less dramatic than the setting suggested. Scott and Carl exchanged pleasantries before reaching the hotel, where they left the lift on different floors and went to separate rooms. It nevertheless joined Scott’s growing collection of unlikely post-gig journeys.
Prince Charles catches a smoker twice
Show introducer Jeff had attended school near Poundbury, the Dorset development associated with Prince Charles. He and his friends were smoking beside an electrical box disguised as a Roman feature called “the Piddles” when Charles approached across the fields and advised them to stop.
Two years later, the group were smoking in the same place when somebody called their names. They turned to find Prince Charles approaching again, apparently remembering exactly who they were. Scott questioned whether the story was genuine because the coincidence was so extraordinary, but Jeff insisted it was his principal claim to fame. He had since stopped smoking and credited the royal intervention with helping him change.
Stupid Street chooses a Bond girl
Scott asked Rhianna Dhillon to predict Stupid Street’s favourite Bond girl. His own choice was Honey Ryder, while Chris became confused between a Bond actor and Donald Trump’s former wife Ivana. Beccy suggested Natalie Imbruglia before remembering Johnny English, and eventually settled on Gemma Arterton. Rhianna chose Pussy Galore.
The public nominated girlfriends, Lois Chiles, Pierce Brosnan and Pussy Galore, but Halle Berry was the most frequent answer. One woman said Berry’s orange bikini scene inspired her to recreate the look on holiday and helped her meet a man. Another respondent argued that his own girlfriend should be a Bond girl simply because she was sexy, an answer she found visibly awkward. None of the studio’s official predictions scored.
Dear Scott
Freshers reported waking after student nights with Scott’s permanent-marker signature on their arms, chests and heads. He remembered signing so many people in Aberdeen that the combination of sweat and overworked pens eventually made further autographs impossible. Chris revealed that Scott had signed him before they knew each other.
Several Adelaide listeners responded to the programme’s claim that their city was boring. One agreed completely, while another accused Scott of failing to research its nightlife and called him a moron. A family considering emigrating there asked him to undo the damage, but he could offer little beyond sunshine and more time to listen to the podcast.
An unexplained email detailing Ken Barlow’s reunion with Wendy Crozier revealed that Scott had somehow joined a Coronation Street mailing list. Another listener confirmed that some Americans enjoyed British accents but often asked speakers to repeat themselves. A message from France suggested the real advantage came from speaking French with an English accent, inspiring a future telephone experiment.
Real or No Real with Rhianna Dhillon
Studies genuinely had reported that placing male underarm sweat on a woman’s lips could improve her mood. Half an onion and a sprout could not cure every illness, and a woodpecker’s tears were not acidic enough to dissolve a small tree.
A man accompanied by a dog really was more likely to obtain a woman’s telephone number. Rhianna won the round with 40 points to Scott’s 30.
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