Dev prepares for an orchestral piano performance
Dev visited from Radio 1’s early breakfast show while learning the piano for a gala concert on 29 October. He was due to perform with the BBC National Orchestra of Wales at the Millennium Centre in Cardiff, with the event broadcast for Children in Need. The scale of the job had increased gradually after he agreed to it, and he still had not been told which piece he would perform.
Although Dev was studying music and could read and write it, he said playing chords was very different from performing properly with an orchestra. A recording of him practising The Script’s “The Man Who Can’t Be Moved” impressed Scott, who began considering an instrument of his own. A saxophone for playing “Careless Whisper” at weddings and a jazz flute were suggested, while school recorder ensembles were remembered less fondly.
Dev had appeared on Radio 3 to discuss the challenge and adopted what he considered an appropriate voice for its older audience. Presenter Sean Rafferty surprised him by greeting him with “Hey, man” and praising the performance. Dev had about two weeks remaining and admitted that the prospect of joining experienced classical musicians was stressful.
Everybody writes a theme for Skyfall
With Adele’s official theme for Skyfall about to be released, Scott challenged the team to create its own alternatives by Friday. He argued that Bond titles were difficult to incorporate naturally into lyrics, demonstrating with improvised themes for Goldfinger, Thunderball and Quantum of Solace.
Scott and Beccy decided to collaborate because Scott’s solo compositions always became country songs. Chris would work alone, while Dev received the extra assignment despite already learning the piano. The entries would be compared with Adele’s recording at the end of the week.
Chris’s first day at secondary school
In 24 Years at the Tap End, Chris returned to his 12th year and his first day at secondary school. He travelled from Pinner to Watford with about 50 other children wearing new shoes, oversized backpacks and blazers bought with room to grow. His mother watched from the opposite platform, upset by the milestone despite the journey taking only ten minutes.
Chris joined form 7F under a strict geography teacher called Mr Eyre. His assigned locker became his “kingdom” and already contained a magazine of gentlemen’s interest. Rather than throw it away and risk being seen carrying it, Chris left it inside and later had to deny ownership when the locker was searched. Scott and Beccy were unconvinced by his long-maintained claim that he had merely inherited it.
The school diary included a teacher whose full name was printed as Mr G W Anker, a detail which pupils found increasingly entertaining as they grew older. At the end of the day, Chris and the other first-years decided to sprint for the 3.27 train instead of walking for the 3.41.
Chris rounded a corner just as the head teacher, Mr Holman, approached from the other direction. He ran head-first into the man’s crotch, sending the head teacher to his knees and himself backwards onto his enormous backpack. Although no punishment followed, classmates called him “balls face” for the next few months. His advice to new pupils was to challenge their mother’s choice of blazer size and avoid the head teacher’s crotch.
Dappy plays the bluffing game
Dappy flew back from Greece specifically to play the programme’s version of Would I Lie to You?, then planned to return to somebody who believed he had merely gone to the supermarket. He saw each statement for the first time and had to convince the team it was true.
The first claim said he owned a pet llama. Dappy initially had to establish what a llama was, then said he chose one after foxes ate his two rabbits because he needed an animal capable of defending itself. His uncertainty made the lie easy to identify.
He next claimed to work occasionally as a magician’s assistant. Dappy described a card trick, said he had become bored with it and named Paul McKenna as the magician, before remembering that McKenna was not known for having an assistant. That attempt failed too.
The final statement said Dappy had auditioned to play Bill Gates in a film of his life. Asked which role he wanted, Dappy confirmed Bill Gates himself but then needed the team to explain who Gates was. He eventually associated him with computers, cast Michelle Pfeiffer as a co-star and said the audition involved turning a machine off and on again. Dappy admitted that despite knowing his times tables and algebra, the game made him feel “like a potato”.
Lisa’s presidential follower
Show introducer Lisa said Barack Obama was the second person ever to follow her on Twitter. She had simply followed his account when she first joined and received a follow back, giving her the ability to send him a direct message.
Scott asked her to invite the US president to play Innuendo Bingo without explaining the rules. He then followed Barack and Michelle Obama himself, although Michelle’s small following list made a return follow unlikely. The conversation also exposed Scott’s policy of unfollowing colleagues and minor celebrities who did not add anything entertaining to his feed. He had removed Fearne Cotton for not following him, before feeling guilty and reversing the decision on air.
Real or No Real
Sean Connery did not have Scottish air shipped to his American home because he refused to breathe anything else. A tiger’s tongue genuinely was rough enough to remove paint from a building.
The claim that all the toothpaste used by guests on The Mila Kunis Show would half-fill a thimble was marked real, largely because the fictional programme had no guests. Beccy finished with 20 points and Chris with 10.
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