The pervy-dog investigation escalated
The previous day’s underwear story had opened the floodgates.
Scarlett’s dog Sniffer was not unusual.
Listener Beth had dated somebody whose springer spaniel would rummage through her overnight bag, steal her underwear and carry it proudly into the living room while the whole family was watching television.
At first everybody reacted awkwardly.
Eventually the dog did it so often that the family barely looked up.
Scott and Chris briefly wondered whether the animals were not trying to destroy the underwear at all.
Perhaps they were trying, unsuccessfully, to put it on.
Nobody found this theory especially convincing.
Some dogs actually ate the clothes
Other callers made Sniffer sound restrained.
One listener’s puppy ate the crotch from her boyfriend’s boxer shorts as well as women’s underwear.
Another dog swallowed socks.
The show concluded that buying a puppy should probably come with a warning that the animal might also require an increased underwear budget.
Scott was still interested in getting a dog.
Then the conversation reached poo.
Scott had questions about poo-bag technique
Scott accepted the basic responsibility immediately.
If his dog did a poo on a walk, obviously he would pick it up.
What he had not properly processed was the physical process.
The bag goes over the hand.
The owner picks up the warm poo.
The bag is turned inside out.
Scott could not hide how little he liked this.
His boyfriend had already reacted with disbelief when Scott raised the issue at home.
Chris knew exactly where the conversation was heading.
Scott was searching for somebody else to do it.
Could you employ a poo butler?
Scott floated the concept.
Not seriously.
Mostly.
Could a person exist whose role was to accompany dog owners and handle the poo?
A poo butler.
Chris pointed out that paying somebody to follow him around every time the dog needed the toilet was not exactly realistic pet ownership.
Scott reluctantly accepted that he would have to learn the bag technique like everybody else.
He briefly considered wearing long gloves.
Chris said that would make the process look even stranger.
Wednesday still needed Bamboleo
With England about to enter another lockdown, Scott and Chris wanted a few minutes where everybody could simply dance.
That meant Bamboleo Wednesday.
The feature had become particularly important during 2020 because it required almost nothing.
Listeners could be at work, at home, in the car or preparing for another period of restrictions.
For a few minutes the Gipsy Kings still arrived on schedule.
Granny Tinder judged another group of men
Zofia’s grandmother returned to swipe through dating profiles on her granddaughter’s behalf.
The idea remained beautifully simple.
Zofia supplied the app.
Her grandmother supplied the life experience.
Profiles were judged on jobs, bios, jokes and whether the man sounded remotely suitable.
Scott and Chris enjoyed how quickly a weak line could be dismissed.
There was no need to spend ten minutes analysing what somebody “really meant”.
If Granny Tinder did not like the sound of him, he was gone.
Lockdown began again the following day
The show also spoke to listeners whose work would disappear or change as England entered lockdown.
One delivery driver expected to become busier.
Another caller who usually listened at work was about to be furloughed and suggested that meant he might stop listening.
Scott refused to accept this.
BBC Sounds still existed.
Being away from the workplace was not a valid excuse to abandon Radio 1.
The tone was deliberately light, but the change underneath it was real.
Another period of restrictions was beginning.
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