Listeners thanked Radio 1 for the previous day’s tone
Scott and Chris began by reading messages about the previous programme.
Listeners said the station had managed to talk about tightening coronavirus restrictions without sounding patronising.
One described Radio 1 as comforting during a period when news and social media could feel overwhelming.
Scott said messages like that mattered.
Presenters got the privilege of opening microphones and talking through what they were feeling.
The audience often supplied the perspective back.
The Fresher Diary was supposed to have a final instalment
Heather had spent several days allowing Radio 1 into her first week at Newcastle.
There was only one problem.
She would not answer the phone.
The production team called again.
And again.
And again.
By Scott and Chris’s count, more than 20 calls had gone unanswered.
They had accidentally become Heather’s morning alarm during the week.
This time even Radio 1 could not wake her.
The drinking-game advice suddenly looked suspicious
The day before, Chris had supplied Heather with an extensive list of drinking games.
Now she had vanished.
Scott pointed out that Chris might have contributed directly to the disappearance of their contributor.
They considered the obvious possibilities.
Heather was asleep.
Heather was in the kitchen.
Heather was simply enjoying Freshers’ Week and had better things to do than answer Radio 1.
Eventually they called off the search.
The final episode of Diary of a Fresher had been defeated by the most authentic student behaviour possible:
not waking up.
David Attenborough had already won Instagram
A breaking-news alarm announced something rather happier.
Sir David Attenborough had joined Instagram.
Scott admitted that seeing Attenborough’s name trending normally caused instant anxiety.
This time it was good news.
His first video introduced himself to the platform and explained that he wanted to use it to talk about the planet.
Within an astonishingly short period he had accumulated hundreds of thousands of followers.
Scott looked at the number climbing and compared it with the years ordinary people spent trying to build an audience.
Attenborough had effectively turned up, said hello and won Instagram.
The show imagined Attenborough doing ordinary influencer behaviour
Once he was on the platform, Scott and Chris could not resist imagining the possibilities.
Holiday photographs.
Stories.
“Feeling cute, might delete later.”
None of this was remotely what Attenborough was there to do, which was precisely why the idea entertained them.
In reality, his arrival offered a rare uncomplicated bit of good news in a difficult week.
Heather’s absence became the perfect ending
The team had planned a proper final chapter for the fresher diary.
Instead the feature ended with no Heather at all.
Scott and Chris accepted that this was probably better.
A documentary about Freshers’ Week which concludes because the student involved cannot be woken in the afternoon may be more truthful than anything they could have scripted.
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