Scott and Chris were finally back together
The programme returned after its Eurovision gap.
Scott had spent the week with the Eurovision team.
Chris had been away too.
Both said they were genuinely excited to be back in the same studio.
The weekend had not been especially successful for either presenter’s interests.
Watford had suffered a heavy FA Cup final defeat.
The UK had finished at the wrong end of Eurovision.
Scott and Chris briefly competed over whose disappointment was worse.
Chris argued Watford had at least reached the final on merit.
Scott pointed out the UK automatically qualified for Eurovision and still managed to finish last.
Neither found much comfort in the comparison.
Middlesbrough needed a manager
Big Weekend was only days away in Middlesbrough.
The football club had also lost its manager.
Radio 1 listeners immediately spotted an opportunity.
Chris actually knew about football.
Scott did not.
Scott might therefore be the funnier candidate.
A local listener suggested the compromise.
Chris could become manager.
Scott could be assistant manager.
Scott liked the job description as soon as he heard that the manager generally received more of the criticism.
Scott attempted a team talk
To test whether he could function in football management, Chris tried putting Scott through an angry team talk.
The result was hopeless.
Scott simply could not sustain aggression.
Even while pretending the team was losing, he sounded more confused than furious.
Chris tried examples from famously intense football managers to demonstrate the required energy.
Scott remained far too gentle.
The inability to get properly angry became part of the pitch.
Perhaps Middlesbrough needed a calmer assistant.
Ask Me Anything found pet psychic Jackie
Monday’s Ask Me Anything guest was Jackie, who described herself as a pet psychic.
Jackie said she could communicate with animals remotely and through images.
She told stories involving dogs, horses and other animals apparently passing information to her.
One horse had effectively asked whether it was being sold.
Jackie then learned from the owner that selling the horse had indeed been discussed.
Scott and Chris were fascinated rather than sceptical enough to end the conversation.
Listeners immediately began offering their own pets for future sessions.
The show would bring Jackie back on Tuesday.
Sam’s fake-girlfriend auditions resumed
The programme also returned to Sam, the listener whose nan Patricia wanted him to find a girlfriend.
Another woman auditioned to play the role.
Chris once again became the nightmare version of Patricia and tested whether the caller could survive aggressive questions.
Scott realised the whole scheme contained increasingly unnecessary layers.
Sam needed Patricia off his back.
Radio 1 had turned that simple request into casting, rehearsals and role-play.
The real Patricia had not even spoken to the latest candidate yet.
Big Weekend week had begun.
The show was already trying to recruit a football management team and a fictional girlfriend.
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