Chris bought Scott a wife’s birthday card
Scott’s birthday produced a characteristically inappropriate card from Chris.
Chris had forgotten to make the personalised photo card he originally intended.
He went into a card shop and chose the next best option.
The front showed a woman and said something equivalent to:
“To my darling wife, more gorgeous than ever.”
Scott accepted the compliment.
Chris then produced the actual present: around 100 minutes at Scott’s preferred tanning salon.
While buying it, Chris had apparently learned far more than expected about Scott’s tanning habits, including that he preferred the lie-down beds and the approximate length of his usual sessions.
Scott was less thrilled that the shop had shared his routine.
Adam needed a Stark History of Inverness
Listener Adam was turning 18 and going to Inverness for the weekend with his girlfriend.
He had visited before for rugby but never stayed.
Chris therefore produced another Stark History of Britain.
The guide mixed genuine history with the theatrical style developed for Southend and Muff.
Inverness became the jewel of the Highlands.
The guide mentioned early settlement, the city’s connection with *Macbeth*, famous names including Karen Gillan and golfer Russell Knox, nightlife and possible Sunday culture.
Loch Ness provided the obvious final tourist suggestion.
Adam now had enough local knowledge to pretend he had researched his own birthday trip.
Aaron already knew Lanzarote was involved
Where Do You Think They Were? then introduced Aaron.
He knew only two things.
The story involved Lanzarote.
And the date roughly matched the timing of his birthday.
His mum Laura Lee was ready to explain the rest.
The holiday took place in 1997.
Laura Lee loved volcanoes.
The couple visited Timanfaya, where the volcanic landscape had apparently made a very strong impression on her.
Scott immediately became concerned about where the inspiration was going to lead.
Name That Tune supplied the drinks
After the volcano trip, the couple went to a local bar playing Name That Tune.
Laura Lee was good at it.
Correct answers brought drinks.
Scott tested her memory with 1997 songs including Spice Girls, Hanson and Backstreet Boys.
The original evening had apparently involved enough success for Laura Lee to return to the bungalow in an extremely good mood.
She was unusually direct about what she wanted next.
Aaron listened in horror as his mother explained that she had been ready to conceive him.
The smooth tarmac looked like cooled lava
The bungalow had an outside area surfaced with unusually smooth tarmac.
Laura Lee connected it with the volcanic landscape they had visited earlier.
The surface had been hot during the day but had cooled by late evening.
The sun was going down.
She suggested trying it.
The couple did.
Scott and Chris became increasingly obsessed with the strange combination of volcano tourism and outdoor surfacing.
Aaron said the story was changing the way he looked at any smooth patio or resin area his mum admired.
The source briefly muddles Tenerife into a later summary, but the full account repeatedly identifies the holiday as Lanzarote, so that is the location retained here.
Aaron became the tarmac baby
Where Do You Think They Were? had already visited Concorde, a footstool and a Scottish hedge in March.
Aaron ended the month’s regular conception stories on a sunset tarmac area inspired by a volcano.
Scott tried to turn the entire thing into a list of famous eruptions.
Aaron declared himself done.
Nobody could reasonably blame him.
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