Being best man apparently meant being Google
Chris had spent the weekend organising the stag do for his best mate Dugs.
He was proud of the planning.
He was less impressed by everybody treating him as a personal information service.
People kept asking what the weather would be like, what they needed to wear and where they were supposed to go.
Chris could not understand why grown adults with smartphones needed the best man to answer every question.
The stag itself took place in Newcastle.
Saturday began with go-karting, which Chris admitted had been scheduled much too early after the Friday night.
The group then went to Watford against Newcastle before continuing to bars and eventually nightclub Tup Tup Palace.
Dugs’s dad, known as Papa Roy, came along and enjoyed the go-karting.
The nightclub was a different experience.
Chris loved watching a dad who did not spend much time in clubs trying to work out what he was supposed to do once the sparklers and late-night music began.
Harriet became Ireland’s opera donkey
The show then discovered the kind of local-news story Scott adored.
In County Galway, a donkey called Harriet had gone viral because the noise she made sounded unusually musical.
Her owner described it as closer to opera than an ordinary donkey bray and joked about whether she might be the reincarnation of a singer.
Irish television had even gone to film Harriet.
Scott listened to the animal perform.
He was not completely convinced this was opera.
He was completely convinced it was excellent local news.
The story opened a new recurring subject: headlines which would never make national news but were enormous in one particular town or county.
The Bangers spreadsheet corrected Scott
The programme also brought back Keon, the listener who maintained an extraordinarily detailed spreadsheet of Bangers results.
Scott had recently claimed that he was comfortably ahead.
Keon had bad news.
As of the previous Thursday, Scott had 253 wins.
Chris had 272.
Chris was therefore 19 wins ahead.
Scott’s previous figures had actually referred to how many unique songs each presenter had selected rather than the number of games won.
Keon had recorded hundreds of Bangers, including the artists chosen and other statistics.
He revealed that Calvin Harris and Rizzle Kicks were among the programme’s most successful choices, while John Barrowman, Bruno Mars and Friendly Fires had each been picked four times without winning.
Scott was annoyed by the corrected scoreboard.
Chris was delighted.
Listeners who loved spreadsheets immediately began asking whether Keon could turn the whole archive into a book.
Homes Under The Hammer was still impossible to resist
The show also played another round of the Homes Under The Hammer music game.
Scott and Chris listened to a property description and tried to predict which painfully literal song the programme would use underneath the next scene.
They remained convinced that whoever chose the soundtrack deserved far more recognition.
Between Harriet the donkey, Keon’s spreadsheet and property-show music puns, Monday had become a celebration of extremely specific British obsessions.
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