Dylan agreed to find out far too much
Where Do You Think They Were? returned with 23-year-old Dylan.
His birthday had been the previous Friday.
Scott reminded him of the deal.
Sit through a few minutes hearing the details of his conception and receive an enormous Radio 1 birthday message featuring presenters and pop stars.
Dylan admitted he did not actually want the information.
The birthday reward was too tempting.
His mum Paula joined the call.
Unlike some previous parents, Paula sounded extremely ready to tell the story.
That immediately worried Dylan.
It began with spaghetti bolognese
Paula and Dylan’s dad had finished an ordinary day at work and were eating dinner together.
The meal was spaghetti bolognese, partly because Paula said it was one of the only things she could cook.
They were chatting about work.
There was no dramatic romantic setting.
No hotel.
No holiday.
Then Paula decided the mood had changed.
She told Dylan’s dad:
“Chase me upstairs.”
Scott was delighted by how direct this was.
Dylan was not.
They never reached the stairs
The chase did not actually get very far.
Passion took over in the porch or hallway near the bottom of the staircase.
Scott was still reconstructing exactly where everybody was when Paula introduced the detail which destroyed Dylan completely.
The house belonged to family.
Dylan’s paternal grandmother Joyce arrived.
She let herself in.
Joyce saw enough to understand exactly what was happening.
Paula said she effectively told them she would come back in a minute and retreated.
Scott and Chris could hardly continue.
Dylan’s own grandmother had accidentally become a witness to the moment he was conceived.
Dylan could never look at Joyce the same way again
Paula added another family detail.
Had Dylan been a girl, he would have been named Joyce.
That meant the grandmother who walked in during his conception might also have supplied his name under different circumstances.
Afterwards, Dylan’s dad apparently phoned his mother to check where she was.
She was waiting in the car.
Scott described Dylan as a porch baby.
Dylan said he was trying to forget the story as quickly as possible.
Listeners were already calling it one of the most cringeworthy editions the show had done.
The birthday message somehow made it worthwhile
Dylan finally received the reward.
The montage included birthday messages from Radio 1 names and musicians including Jordan North and Dan from Bastille.
Several of them had already been told the porch story, meaning Dylan’s private family history had now travelled well beyond the immediate audience.
Scott asked whether it had been worth it.
Dylan thought the birthday message was brilliant.
He still had the separate problem of eventually seeing Grandma Joyce again.
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