The perfect review for a gig you never attended
Scott returned from the festival weekend with a story he had heard from somebody at Radio 2.
Years earlier, a presenter had apparently gone on air claiming to have seen Cher at Wembley.
He introduced a song and said she had been “really on form, did all the hits.”
There was one problem.
The concert had been cancelled.
The presenter could not have been there.
Scott and Chris loved the phrase so much they adopted it.
From now on, it did not matter whether somebody had actually attended a gig.
If asked how it was, the approved answer was:
“She was really on form, did all the hits.”
Listeners immediately started using it for artists they had seen at festivals.
The pronoun stayed “she”, regardless of who the act actually was.
It became a knowingly useless review which could be applied to absolutely any performance.
Australian reality television remained superior
Scott continued arguing that Australian reality TV was currently better than British versions.
He replayed favourite moments from *Love Island Australia*, including the contestant who described himself as a “kangatarian” because he had eaten kangaroo and fish.
The Australian *Bachelor* with Nick “Honey Badger” Cummins was still producing the kind of phrases Scott wanted imported to British television.
They also discovered an Australian version of *Take Me Out*.
Contestants were considerably more direct in their judgments.
Scott liked the looser, more candid tone and began wondering whether British programmes would benefit from simply importing Australian contestants.
The ghost lady had found somebody new
The show revisited one of television’s strangest relationship stories.
A woman had previously appeared on *This Morning* and said she had had a sexual relationship with a ghost.
That relationship had fizzled out.
Now there was an update.
She had met another spirit while walking in the Australian bush.
The new ghost followed her back to Britain.
She described him as ancient, wise, kind and funny.
They were considering a handfasting ceremony, which she explained as a form of spiritual marriage.
Scott and Chris were delighted that the story had moved from supernatural dating into supernatural engagement.
The relationship had apparently become intimate during the flight back from Australia too, leading to the extraordinary idea of joining the Mile High Club with a partner nobody else could see.
Example kept the promise
A previous Bangers caller called Jake had chosen Chris’s track by Example.
Example heard about it and publicly offered Jake free festival tickets.
Scott and Chris wanted to know whether the celebrity promise had actually turned into anything.
Jake said yes, although the details arrived late.
He travelled from Brighton towards the festival in Portsmouth before receiving final confirmation.
Eventually a message told him he was on the guest list with a plus one.
Jake had prepared screenshots of the DMs in case the list failed.
It did not.
He got in.
Jake did not manage to meet Example personally, but they messaged around the performance and Example said he had seen him in the crowd.
Asked how the set had been, Jake now had only one possible answer.
Example had been really on form.
He did all the hits.
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