Sarah-Jane Crawford plays Innuendo Bingo
BBC Radio 1Xtra presenter Sarah-Jane Crawford joined Chris for Innuendo Bingo. The first clips included a Five Live reporter describing being asked to put a finger in the dark, a Countryfile item that left Scott mystified and Sara Cox producing a direct hit that soaked Sarah-Jane’s leggings.
Local-radio discussion of something with a brown tongue, Fearne Cotton hearing about a sleeping listener’s accidental “whack” and Deirdre trying to tempt Ken Barlow down from upstairs produced further sprays. Sarah-Jane at first tried to contain the water, but Scott encouraged her to sit upright and aim properly at Chris.
A Holby City clip announcing that it was “muffin o’clock” struck Chris directly in the face. Boris Johnson’s Olympic-closing-ceremony commentary and a confession from 999: What’s Your Emergency? continued the game before the final return to Deirdre. Sarah-Jane repeatedly apologised for soaking Chris, but Scott reminded her that this was precisely the object of the feature.
Chris courts Team GB through asparagus
Scott had noticed Chris contacting female members of Team GB on Twitter. Chris admitted following several medallists and hoped to invite Olympic hockey player Georgie Twigg onto Innuendo Bingo. His research had uncovered that, as well as winning an Olympic medal, she had served as the face of British asparagus.
The team heard Georgie carefully explain the importance of asparagus to her training diet. Chris imagined inviting her for an asparagus meal and decided he could provide a matching title by becoming the official face of British plums. Listeners suggested alternatives including kumquats, while several farmers contacted the programme without possessing the authority to make his plum position official.
Stupid Street identifies the First Lady
Eight people on Stupid Street were asked to name the First Lady of the United States. Chris predicted that only two would identify Michelle Obama, while listener Charlotte confidently chose seven as she revised for her driving theory test.
The answers included Lady Gaga, Kate Middleton, Jessie J, Rihanna and Jackie Kennedy. One respondent knew that the First Lady was Barack Obama’s wife but could not remember her name, while another concluded that any woman could qualify. Only two said Michelle Obama, giving Chris 20 points and leaving Charlotte hoping her theory-test questions would prove easier.
Alan Titchmarsh, a KitKat and a helicopter crash
Show introducer Laura recalled meeting Alan Titchmarsh during a walking holiday when she was 12. A friend requested an autograph and persuaded him with a two-finger KitKat after a Jaffa Cake failed to interest him. Titchmarsh was filming British Isles: A Natural History, with a helicopter circling to capture a dramatic aerial shot.
Laura then saw the whole helicopter begin to spin, descend and strike the muddy ground. The occupants climbed out safely and Titchmarsh was unharmed, although reports said he had dived out of its path. Laura’s family had no room in any of their four cars, so they left him with the emergency services rather than providing the unexpectedly stranded presenter with a lift.
The world’s worst orchestra
Ahead of The xx’s forthcoming performance with the BBC Philharmonic in Bridlington, listener Glenn supplied a very different orchestra recording. Its wandering rhythm and spectacularly off-key trumpet left Scott and Chris imagining parents politely congratulating their children after a difficult school recital.
The recording became Chris’s favourite thing and was played repeatedly. Guitar teacher Libby said similar sounds accompanied her work in schools every day, while Sophie remembered her mother having to leave one of her childhood flute performances because she was laughing so much. Chris eventually became so overwhelmed that he left the studio feeling sick and had to take deep breaths before returning.
Charlie Sloth plays Real or No Real
Charlie Sloth arrived from his Radio 1Xtra drivetime show and played Real or No Real. He correctly accepted the existence of Japanese vending machines dispensing women’s telephone numbers, but rejected the claim that a zebra called Honest John had once finished third in the Grand National. Pigs blushing and elk celebrating birthdays were also inventions.
The genuine animal facts were that giraffes were once called camel-leopards and that a giraffe’s kick could decapitate a lion. Charlie was convinced that more people died from falling coconuts than shark attacks, partly because his fear of sharks stopped him entering the sea even in Britain. The supposed football careers of the Chuckle Brothers at Hull City were fictional, and Scott and Charlie ended level on 30 points.
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