Chris narrates Scott’s entire day, badly
Scott’s weekend shopping trip to Brighton had ended with him trapped in a pair of skinny jeans. He had managed to get them on, but then struggled to remove them in the changing room as a queue of far cooler customers waited outside. Scott was left sweaty, red-faced and trying to persuade staff that everything was fine, making it one of those experiences he could tell on air only because it was now safely over.
The story prompted listeners to share their own fitting-room disasters, including a woman who had to be cut out of a dress and then pay for it. Scott was relieved that, however undignified his own incident had been, at least he had managed to leave the shop wearing his own clothes. Beccy was not especially sympathetic, because Scott had ignored the warning signs and attempted skinny jeans in the first place.
Chris then revealed a new ambition: he wanted to be a documentary narrator. Instead of recording a polished voiceover after filming, he had followed Scott around from the morning and narrated every mundane detail in real time. The result was less David Attenborough than audio description, with Chris solemnly announcing that Scott was putting washing powder in a machine or picking up his hair straighteners.
Scott’s irritation grew as Chris described his cab, voiceover session and café breakfast, including an overcomplicated sausage-sandwich order. Chris thought his commentary made ordinary life sound important; Scott pointed out that the narrator of a serious documentary would not stop midway through to order lunch. Their bickering became part of the feature, with Chris refusing to accept that the concept needed any refinement.
The programme also revived Innuendo Bingo and looked ahead to a guest appearance from Ben Nevis, but Chris’s narration dominated the day. His confidence was impressive, even when his evidence consisted of calling Scott “Danny Howard” and describing whatever he happened to see. Scott concluded that BBC One might not be calling immediately, but the experiment had at least made a very ordinary Tuesday sound spectacularly pointless.
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